MAMA MONK

Christmas in the air

2008-12-14T15:06:00.001-08:00

We've enjoyed the last few weeks of Christmas preparation--A couple of weeks ago, we chose a large tree for our living room, and a tiny tree for the kid's room-- Bry's parents joined us. It was a beautiful time together-- at the local Christmas Tree farm--they even threw in a few sprigs of holly---

Redemption

2008-11-20T12:08:00.001-08:00

I love nature's insistence on redemption. Everywhere I look, I see rebirth, life from death, redemption within and without darkness. There is always life, everywhere. Humanity is teeming with life. And we are life to oneanother, in the midst of hardship, sadness and loss. We help carry the grief, side-by-side.

Alethea is fascinated by dolphins lately. A friend shared with me that when a mother dolphin looses her baby, the other dolphins press their bodies against the grieving mother and carry her through the water looking for her young. Beautiful.

This week, we were slow at the hospital, so I was able to leave my shift early.

The weather was gorgeous outside: brisk with an Autumn-laced breeze. As I started to drive I felt drawn toward my old University, where Bryan and I met.

I parked on a dirt road and walked through the 40 acres behind the school. I retraced my steps from years ago: the slight turn at the bridge, up toward the old Rugby field, the smoothed stump where Meredith and I used to curl up and read books on warm days. Memories flooded around me as I walked toward the Science building where I spent hours and hours learning Biology, Anatomy, Chemistry. A few lights were on in the Nursing faculty area, so I knocked on office doors and caught up on current news of the nursing program.

I was amazed to visit old haunts and see renovated areas with hardwood floors and gorgeous furniture. The nasty, grungy old "lower caf" had an Ethical Addictions Coffee House and Jugo Juice franchise in it. I could hardly believe how much the school has grown.

Afterwards, I walked back through the forest, in the pitch black (I forgot it goes completely dark by 5 pm now!) and made it to my truck.

My heart was full with memories and warmth as I remembered my four years of University. I experienced a lot of joy and deep friendship during those years. Hardship and grief were also near at hand. And as I meandered through the trails, touching trees I remember from years ago, I realized how much redemption and growth has taken place in me, in my life, in the lives of those around me, those I met during those 4 years.

I felt grateful for the hardship and the loss, the joy and friendship. I felt grateful for the redemption that happens, in all things.

Arizona-Soul Land

2008-11-16T15:11:00.001-08:00

Know Thyself

2008-11-15T21:47:00.000-08:00

I've been asking myself questions. Some of the questions have arrived uninvited. And others are part of my desire to become more mindful of my motives, feelings and reactions. Here are a few:

*If you had to think of one word that would be a great complement to you, what would it be?

*What is a new hobby or interest you would like to incorporate into your life in the next year?

*What is a belief you held 5 years ago that you no longer hold?

*What do you feel is your unique gift to the world?

Asking myself questions, opens a part of my soul with the same intensity that glimpsing this picture evokes. I am free to change, to grow and to become more of my true self. In this picture of St. Francis, I sense a man who feels fully freed by his Creator to let his soul fly.

Beautiful.

Brotherhood Of Man

2008-11-14T12:21:00.000-08:00

My favorite bands, for years and years, have been U2 and The Innocence Mission. I've been asked a few times, that if I could choose two books and two albums, what would they be? I would have to choose The Joshua Tree (U2) , and Glow/We Walked in Song (Innocence Mission). And for books: No Man is an Island (Thomas Merton) and Here All Dwell Free (Gertrud Mueller Nelson).

Here is a beautiful live performance of "Brotherhood of Man".

Autumn Moments

2008-11-14T12:01:00.000-08:00

This is a picture of Alley at our recent Tour of the Apple Barn and Pumpkin Patch. The top picture is of Michelle and I on the Hay Ride with our families.
We've enjoyed hiking in the nearby mountains, along the rushing rivers. This hike was in Golden Ears, on the Lower Falls Trail. The kids hiked slowly and in meandering directions. So, we took the path for an hour or so and then relaxed by the water, played in the sand and skipped rocks.

This is a picture of a recent "Daddy and Cherubs" campout. They loved roasting marshmallows and spending hours throwing rocks into the river.

Back to the Center

2008-11-11T07:09:00.000-08:00

I just returned home for a trip to Arizona. My loving husband, in his love, encouraged me to go, to reconnect with my center, my soul-land. He also encouraged me to completely enjoy time with dear friends, to soak it up and rest in it, to know that he and the kids would be just fine (and would probably have more fun anyway!).

In all of this: our traveling and experiencing life and changing, I realize how comforting and centering it is to know that I have Bryan in my life. He is the constant. We are ever and always circling out and recircling back into eachother's arms. And I find great solace in that.

You see, I have been struggling with the change in weather again. And since Arizona is so glorious and sunny, being in it again made me realize how "dampened" my personality becomes up here in the great dark north. I felt like a sleep walker when I got off the plane in Phoenix. Being in Arizona, lying in the sunshine, hiking in the Sedona Red Rocks, walking in the sunshine... I felt like I was suddenly "plugged in" to a power source.

I do confess that it was the company as well that contributed greatly to a general feeling of sunshine. But at least a portion of it seemed to be physical.

So, now that I am home and in my quiet northern abode, I am trying to recreate it all. I have a steaming mug of Earl Grey, precisely 5 candles lit and flickering around me, white christmas lights encircling the plant to my right and a small warm lamp beside me, lighting the screen as I type.

It is helping; I feel uplifted this morning. I realized that an important aspect of my sense of peace and well-being is the creation of a morning ritual. I have been very disciplined in my morning ritual over the years until recently. My life has been busy and full and I often fall into bed and stumble out of bed. But for the last week, in Arizona, I was rested, and drawn into another's morning rituals I could easily insert myself into.

My dear childhood friend Natalie has an incredible sense of ritual. And I realized how restful it was to be a part of. Returning home, I feel recharged to recreate rituals of my own that bring a sense of peace and centeredness to my days.

So, this is a beginning.

I want to write briefly about the events of the summer, and move on into the Fall and Winter. The 3rd Annual Feast Collective happened in August again this year. It was a momentous time of connection between friends, sharing of music and art, good food, laughter and warmth around the fire. We added a Sweat Lodge and Women's Story Circle this year. And of course the Tie-dying and rock painting for the kids. The Traditions continue to grow and expand. We already look forward to next year.

In September, I traveled to Toronto for a Business Conference with Arbonne. While I was there, we stayed in the Sheraton Downtown where the Celebrities in town for the Toronto International Film Fest were staying. Just for fun, I'll tell you who I saw: Michael J Fox, Chris Nash, Sigourney Weaver, the cast from the 70's Show...and a bunch of other people I didn't recognize.

Bryan traveled to Boston for a week of training in his field of work as an Internet Affliate and Writer. Followed by a trip to Los Angeles to record his first CD. News on that to come...

We have started homeschooling Alethea through Summit Learning Center. We enrolled her in the Open School program and it has been incredible. Summit gives me Modules of Curriculum to do each month. They provide extensive support and programming through the Art Smarts Program. So far, she has been involved in Yoga, Circus Kids Gymnastics, and Tractor ride and tour of the Pumpkin and Apple Farm. On the horizon, we have celtic dancing, pottery, iceskating and way more than I can drive her to in a week!

I really enjoy having the curriculum this year as I begin. I enjoy the structure it provides. We often do work beyond the book, but it gives us a foundational groundwork for what she needs to learn this year. For additional reading lessons, I am using the "Ordinary Parent's Guide to Teaching Reading" and she loves it!

To finish off, I want to continue:

Today, I am thankful for:

22-Dovesong
23-Toast and tea by candlelight
24-The warmth of the season upon us
25-A reawakened love for cooking and entertaining friends over bowls of soup

Music for the Soul:Woodsong

2008-09-24T22:11:00.000-07:00

Over the last week or so, we've been exploring new music: Feist, Bon Iver, Craig Cardiff. And over the summer, we returned to our favorite grassroots music festival called Woodsong Music Festival.

We camped for 4 days beneath the Westcoast cedars and pines. And listened to almost non-stop live music. The kids enjoyed the Art Tent and created beautiful things: birdhouses, painted rocks, beaded jewelry. Each night, they showed an outdoor movie on the screen; families nestled together in fleece blankets and sipped on hot cocoa and spiced tea.

This was our third summer at Woodsong, and we recognized return visitors, exclaimed at "how much the kids have grown!" and generally reconnected with ourselves, eachother and new faces I look forward to seeing next year.

Burke and Barbara Thomas are the creators of Woodsong. 11 years ago, they decided to open their gorgeous piece of paradise land up for an honour-system based music event. They don't charge and they trust guests to camp responsibly, pick up after ourselves and donate funds out of the goodness of our hearts. They go to incredibly effort to make it memorable and extremely well done. We love it. Each morning, they offer a potluck-topping breakfast. For lunch and dinners, we all bring our own concoctions to cook on the fleet of outdoor cooking equipment already set up for us.

I highly recommend Woodsong. It is a good-for-the-soul weekend that captures the heart of Woodstock and other music festivals, but without the drugs and junk that we wouldn't want our kids around. Perfect combo, in my opinion.

19-I am thankful for the uninhibited way my son sings like Bob Dylan

20-The chocolate covered almonds on sale at Sav-On Foods today.

21-The sound of the ticking clock in a quiet (kids asleep!!) house tonight.

Full Summer Rapids

2008-09-23T09:20:00.000-07:00

I came to this familiar space to begin again this morning. And I feel slightly overwhelmed by all the catching up I need to do. I will begin with a list, and I will slowly (over the next month or so) work through the various events of the summer, sprinkled between the daily reflections.

Woodsong Music Festival

The Feast Collective

Toronto and International Film Festival

Boston Convention

Los Angeles Recording

Summit Learning Center

Homeschooling

Raw Food Diet Adjustments

A Hospital Move

Most of this happened in August and early September! Can we say "plate too full?" Oh my.

More to come.

Thrift Shop Find

2008-07-31T09:11:00.000-07:00

I love thrift shop, treasure-hunting. I found all of this for 5$ at the MCC (Mennonite Central Committee) Thrift Shop. Because of our busy spring, we are cleaning out our home and life NOW, at the peak of summer. We are slightly delayed, I know, but it feels fantastic nonetheless, to simplify and to cull out some of what we trip over unnecessrily.

Through a dear friend (Bree), I was exposed to the tradition of clothing swaps. We've had a few over the last two years and in August, my sister is hosting one at her place. I am so excited! I spent sometime last night going through my closet and putting in bags anything I no longer wear.

In a clothing swap, a group of people get together, bring clothes and take clothes. There is no limit, just a chance to "swap" for free. Anything left over is donated to a local women's shelter. We sometimes incorporate household items and shoes, anything that is still good and useable, a treasure for someone who wants or needs it. I actually just found a LINK to a huge clothing swap site that inspires me to grow the tradition to become a city-wide event.

But in the meantime, it is fun to get together with friends and family for an evening and return home with a refreshed wardrobe.

Today, I am thankful for:

16-the deep heat sunshine that represents Divine love to me

17-a wonderful, restful family trip to Vancouver Island and an afternoon at Willows Beach

18-the music of Martyn Joseph.

Time to Turn in

2008-07-10T23:46:00.000-07:00

This picture is the view from a YURT bunk during our road trip last summer. It was a beautiful night, especially once the stars came out.

It is night and I am returning late from a business event that went fantastically well!

I was ravenous when I walked in the door and wanted nothing but chocolate. But luckily, we are out of chocolate and I decided to stay Raw instead.

I just drank down a huge glass of Green Smoothie. It was basically two handfuls of fresh spinach, two bananas, a tangerine and a few chunks of pineapple, some ice and water. Yum! It was actually really good and extremely filling.

We are enjoying our raw food endeavor. However, a few times during the last week, we have been overcome with a desire to smell food cooking! It's strange that on a raw food diet, you never really smell food. Fruits and veggies have their natural scent, but there's nothing like cooking with spices and bubbling goodness. We do miss it.

Bry laughed at us today. We were chop, chop, chopping away at fruits and veggies (cuz that's what you do on a Raw Food Diet!) and he said " We are so crazy! We weren't even vegetarian and now we are Raw Vegan! You'd think we would transition a little bit and go vegetarian first. Crazy!"

It's true; we are a little crazy.

It is late tonight and I need to awake early, so I will keep this post short.

As I sleepily end the day, I am thankful for:

13-my husband's good-looking self, so easy to look at day in and day out.

14-the curl of my Soul-baby's hair, just at the nape of his neck.

15-the beauty of a dear friend's grad school accomplishment as a bonafide (publishable) poet.

At the End of the day

2008-07-08T22:52:00.000-07:00

My shift at the hospital was a gong show today. We were running in circles, working over one another, flailing around as one odd thing after another flew our way. It was a WEIRD shift.

We are moving hospitals in August. What an enormous job! There are actually businesses that move hospitals, that's what they do. And ours is about to move. The building our current hospital is in is a condemned building. A friend who works with a heating and cooling company says the company no longer feels safe sending repair men into the bowels of the building to fix what needs fixing. I suppose we need a new hospital.

All this change on the horizon makes change-lovers giddy and change-resisters downright grouchy. Today, I encountered some grouchy. The adjustment in staffing means that we sometimes (in the transition period) have an over- or an under-abundance of workers. Today was a over-abundance of workers placed in odd shift slots. We had a bunch of us, clamoring around for who does what, but we were only booked half the day with no replacements. Crazy!

Anyhow, enough about that. It just means I am glad to be home, and glad to lay my head on my pillow for the night-

And at the end of the day, all is well. The kidlets are curled in cocoons in their bunkbed, smelling like sweet bath wash. And tomorrow is another day to breathe and shine.

sigh.

Today I am Thankful For:

10-the pure miracle of childbirth

11-the opportunity to see the tender (lovable) underbelly of a cantakerous co-worker

12-the essential oil smell in my home after positively green clean!

Body and Soul

2008-07-05T16:13:00.000-07:00

The health of Body and Soul are incredibly intertwined. My soul feels enlivened and refreshed when my body is well-cared for.

A dear friend and I are doing Body-For-Life together. My husband and I did it last winter and I felt tremendous afterwards. I had some extra Soul-baby weight to lose and was able to drop 30 pounds with the 12-week system!

And so, I begin again, with another 15 pounds that I would like to convert to lean muscle. I am always amazed how incredible it feels to work out, to sweat and get my heart pumping from exercise. The inertia before beginning is so hard to overcome, but when I do I feel so energized.

The system revolves around a 6 day/ week workout schedule that alternates between intensive cardio and weight training. We are commited to 6 days a week and are having a blast! It is so helpful to have a workout buddy.

We have just completed day 4 of going raw. I have an upcoming post about that with pictures of some of our raw meals. The main motivation is to provide some relief for my husband's intestinal issues. We have been trying a lot of cleansing diets and dairy free/gluten free sorts of diets with no relief. So, we are hopeful that the Raw Diet will help to define the underlying issue for him.

Today I am thankful for:

7-friends I can count on for spiritual and practical support and sharing.

8-the delicious afternoon nap we all took on this rainy day

9-the chance to see my friend's new business downtown and to watch it grow for her.

Soul Friend

2008-07-02T12:38:00.000-07:00

The Smell of Sunshine

2008-07-02T08:40:00.001-07:00

Early this week, I awoke to sunshine at 5 am! My heart was lifted toward the window and I took in the scene and scent of sunshine.

The smell of sunshine is to me like the smell of a sweet, sweaty baby. My Soul-baby, just two years old, still smells like goodness itself. And when he is sweaty from playing outside, I nestle my nose in his neck and take a long lung-fill of sweetness.

I try to remember in those moments to stop, and to remember. Because he will soon be a stinky teenager dropping nasty-smelling hockey gear on my washing machine. And I'll be washing crusty socks and cleaning pee from missed streams around the base of the toilet. Believe me, I know. I grew up with all brothers and they are stinky!

To continue this morning, I want to give thanks for three more things:

4-the strange pitch of bird song outside my window: cheerful and mournful at once.

5-a beautiful new friend who is committing to 6 days/week of Body-For -Life workouts with me.

6- our decision to try a Raw Food Diet for 30 days together (thanks to Matt and Sara)

Today is an exciting day for me and my 4 year old girl. We are officially beginning our journey of homeschooling and have enrolled with Summit Learning Centre. With my personality, it is the best combination of things.

Enrolling with Summit means we get generous funding from the government for curriculum, internet costs, a membership to science world. We can participate in the Art Smarts program twice a week, join groups for field trips, have direct access to teacher support, and work together with a resource person to create a learning plan especially for my girl. I give myself permission to choose a different approach as I continue next year, but to begin, structure is wonderful!

I love having a schedule to work from. Baselines and goals give me direction and peace of mind. And knowing what we must do (in regards to hitting milestones), we can then do what we want to do (touring the organic goat dairy for the afternoon or visiting the Vancouver Aqarium).

This afternoon, I meet with my resource teacher to pick up books and curriculum and all sorts of goodies. It will be like Christmas!

I was given a list of books to read through a homeschool association. Quite a few books by Thomas Armstrong look good. I would like to start with:

Awakening Your Child's Genius and 7 Kinds of Smart.

Today, I have three areas of focus: a business related visit, spiritual direction and a meeting with my Summit resource teacher.

So much about regaining balance for me is limiting the amount of things I think I can accomplish in a day!

The Centering Wheel

2008-06-29T08:39:00.000-07:00

It is nearly impossible to create a strong vessel from an un-centered lump of clay. And in many ways, that is what I have been this winter and spring. I have experienced a great deal of spiritual confusion and questioning. The darkness of the Northwest crashed in on me mid-January and I was weak to hold it back. My knees wobbly beneath the weight, I walked slowly, one foot in front of the other.

In the midst, we experienced great loss and tragedy, death has been near and around us. Emotions have bubbled to the top of my cup, running over without explanation: confusion, anger, fear, discontentment.

I have missed this space, visiting mostly to settle into the writing of other blogging friends. Overwhelmed by all that has happened, unable to feel centered to create peace out of chaos in my heart.

Writing is my centering wheel, my steady revolving energy, ever-widening and centering: a foundation for creating.

And so I begin again, with gratefulness and fearless love. My hands are open, willing to receive and to share.

Tonight, I am listening to Jon Foreman , the lead singer for Switchfoot.

My husband and I stumbled upon his incredible 4-disc CD: Spring and Summer, Fall and Winter. The combination of earthy, honest voice, steady guitar, haunting cello, and ethereal background piano is exquisite. We are drinking in the melodies, a backdrop for our last few days.

On the album "winter" there's a song called "somebody's baby" that always awakens deep compassion in me. The words are basically, "she's somebody's baby, somebody's baby girl..." And tonight as I listen, I am pulled from selfish preoccupation to think about the pain of the last weeks, the pain in the world around me that nearly crushes me somedays.

We are all babies, somebody's babies. I have wandered the downtown eastside of Vancouver's streets saying something similiar in my heart. The brokenness is palpable: drug-laced arms laying listless beside unconscious human forms. Young girls smoking joints in top thigh skirts, extending a provocative swing of leg at corner-cruising cars.

They are babies, somebody's babies.

A few weeks ago, my husband and I assisted a friend as she grieved the loss of her husband to suicide. We were there just after he made the choice to leave. The vision of him hanging by the neck from a chain, gone from this world, nearly crushed us. It was the ultimate vision of powerlessness. He is somebody's baby. He is nestled into his Creator Father's arms, finally at peace. Creator God's baby.

Tonight as I reflect, I nestle into the safe arms of Creator God, and I rest. I am centered when I relax into a speed of wheel I cannot create myself. It is the centrifugal force of Divine love, drawing me out of myself and thus into myself more completely.

This week, I received three gifts. And in this way, I will start my gratefulness journal of 1000 things. I heard of this idea from Ann Voskamp at Holy Experience

1-re-finding my spiritual core book No Man is an Island by Thomas Merton.

2-a loving card from my husband "i'll be there with my umbrella..."

3-a gift from a st.matthew's friend Sacred Parenting by Gary Thomas.

Tonight is like shrapnel on the page, a smattering of thoughts and musings from this slowly centering heart. Before I sleep, I want to record some of Merton's fresh thoughts that awakened my spirit 15 years ago--

"I consider that the spiritual life is the life of man's real self,

the life of that interior self whose flame is so often allowed

to be smothered under the ashes of anxiety and futile concern.

We cannot find ourselves within ourselves, but only in others,

yet at the same time before we can go out to others we must first

find ourselves. We must forget ourselves in order to become

truly conscious of who we are."

And that about says it all--

Visitors!

2008-06-10T23:26:00.000-07:00

We have some dear visitors arriving tomorrow in their veggie-powered RV. I am excited to welcome Matt and Sara Janssen to our bungalow in Mission.

If you haven't heard of them yet, please take a look at their websites:

www.walkslowlylivewildly.com

www.livelightlytour.com

They will be with us for a few days and we are very excited to meet them in person and to hear of their stories from the road--

If You Are Ever in Trouble...

2008-04-07T21:47:00.000-07:00

...call my husband. He will find and protect you.

It all happened on Saturday night. I arrived on the labour ward, ready for my 8-hour evening shift that went from 15:30-23:30 pm. It was an incredible shift of learning alongside 4 amazing midwifes.

The family I was linked with for the shift, was in rip-roaring labour and had placed two calls to their midwife without contacting her. They left messages and called the back-up. They again left messages and phoned a third back-up midwife, who arrived shortly after with a student.

In the meantime, the first two midwives received the phone messages and arrived as well! So, it was me and 4 midwives in one room. It was basically my heaven. And the one in charge happened to be the one and only Anne Barkum.

Anne is basically an angel. She's an Orthodox nun by vocation, and midwife by trade. And she manages to blend it all into a powerful mix of strength, love and sensational labour support. She was my midwife for both children, along with her wonderful clinic partner at the time, Sarah Lawrence. Sarah is now raising and homeschooling her three beautiful children and has become a dear friend of mine.

So, back to the birth. It was a beautiful birth, and the energy in the room buzzed with strength, SO MUCH strength. There were many helping hands, so I mostly absorbed the beauty. I did a bit of charting, filled in the spaces when a wash cloth was needed and grabbed a dry towel for the freshly born babe.

When it was all over, and the new addition was bundled and sent home with his parents, I sat at the desk to chart before the end of my shift.

I started to chat with a fellow nurse I hadn't seen in awhile and before I knew it, the clock struck twelve. So, I scurried into my street clothes and hit the parking lot.

About halfway home, I became ravenous. My mind wandered to the then empty fridge and I realized I needed to stop and grab a bite to eat. I was so hungry!! The "OPEN" sign on Boston Pizza was gleaming bright, so I parked and ducked in for a plate of nachos.

I considered calling Bry to let him know where I was, but figured he was asleep in bed and I decided not to disturb him.

Around 2 am, I pulled up to a fully lit house. The curtains were drawn back, and through the front windows, I saw the worried frame of my husband, phone held to his head with earnest.

Oh NO.

With wide eyes and a worried tone he asked "Where have you been?!" He had a police file open on me, he had asked the security officer at the hospital parking lot to scour around for our truck and/or my body. He phoned my collegues on night shift to inquire when I had left. It was funny and horrible all at the same time.

I gave him a huge hug, APOLOGIZED and thanked him for such concern. I must admit that I DID feel awfully loved and a wee bit silly. OH MY. I phoned the nursing unit to assure them I was alive. They had a good laugh when I told them the story, and they grounded me from late night Boston Pizza runs.

What a night it was!

(photo credit: flickr pshab)

Returning home

2008-04-06T20:28:00.000-07:00

About a month back, around Easter and Lent, I decided to take some time away from blogging. In many ways, it has been a good time, to quietly reflect on my own. I needed a space away to let deep lessons absorb and settle down inside of me. But I have missed it. And I am again reentering this world with fresh vision--

For Easter this year, we traveled to San Antonio, Texas to be with my family. My parents drove over from Arizona and my younger brother drove from Baylor University where he is in his first year.

We had a wonderful time on my brother and sister-in-law's 5 acre hobby farm. We admire them a great deal and enjoyed the chance to peek in as they homeschool 5 kids, tend a flourishing garden, nurture pregnant goats, gather eggs, set their cow free for grazing. They lead a hand's-on life, and we enjoyed dipping into it (and basking in the sunshine!)

We had a wonderful time. But for the sake of story, I have to say that getting there was not as pleasant. In fact, we felt locked in a surreal twilight zone that took us a few days to recover from.

You see, we had heard hints of the US changing their border laws. But because we don't have a TV and don't see regular news, we didn't know of their recent "crack down". In February, they issued a "no-grace" policy stating that anyone without a passport, no matter their age, would be banned from traveling on an airplane into the US from any other country.

My husband and I have passports, but we only have birth certificates for the kids. Driving across the border is no issue with birth certificates, so we didn't think it would be a problem. In fact, I had mentioned to the booking clerk when I booked tickets, that my kids had birth certificates and she assured me it would be no problem--

Well, when we arrived in Vancouver to board, we were told the kids could not fly. For about 30 mintues, it all seemed tragic. I mean, my entire family was waiting for us, had driven for hours, my brother had booked off days from his busy medical clinic. My eyes were beginning to well up as I realized what was happening. Karumba!

And then, when it seemed impossible, an angel of an airline clerk did his magic (with the fastest typing fingers I've seen) and found us a flight out of Seattle for the next day. All without extra cost. One unfortunate issue was that he could only route us through Chicago with a 5 hour layover and change of plane. The other unfortunate issue was that the plane left Seattle the next morning at 6 am, which meant arriving at the airport at 4 :30 am.

But, we could get there! So we trundled on, reloaded out luggage and hit the highway south to Seattle.

But wait, it gets better-- (or bubbly or bulgy or bedraggled...)

We decided to sleep in a rather sketchy hotel and share a twin bed--four of us. It was already 60 bucks just to do that, and we couldn't imagine spending 80 for an extra bed. It was practically next door to the airport which meant a night of flashing lights and booming jet engines overhead. Needless to say, between the serenade and the jackknifing 2-year-old beside me, I got about an hour of sleep.

But again, we survived. We made the plane the next morning, groggy, but thankful, and turned our noses toward Chicago. When we arrived, we discovered a Spring blizzard brewing and a flight board full of cancelled flights in and out of O'Hare. Ours, thankfully was not cancelled, just delayed 6 hours. And on top of our 5 hour layover, we were in the Chicago airport for 11 hours.

But honestly, I can't complain. Because you know what? There was another family, in the good old Chicago airport play area, for 13 hours with 6 kids. One of which was a newly adopted baby girl from Vietnam. They were complete zombies functioning on extreme jet lag. Not only had they just flown from Vietnam, but they were delayed in Los Angeles and severely delayed in Chicago, and still had a flight to go!

The things we do in life. Oh my goodness.

After all that, we arrived in Texas and had a wonderful time. And our flight home was "normal", with no delays, and the kids slept almost the whole trip! Glorious. It all evens out in the end. It always seems to even out--

And now, we are home. And I am looking forward to Spring. And to catching up on the stories of the last month, here in this space--

If there are any lurkers out there, feel free to comment. If you don't have a blogger account, you can comment as "anonymous". I enjoy knowing you are out there--

photocredit: flickr-Steve Stone

Classic Sesame Street

2008-03-09T12:26:00.000-07:00

Pretending to Travel Abroad

2008-03-05T23:50:00.000-08:00

My husband and I have a new tradition that helps keep the itchy travel bug at bay. The reality is that we need to be here, in one place, for a time. And even though the urge to move and shake and live in a hut in the Sahara drives me mad somedays, I need to find a way to be content HERE. Right?

So, here's our secret. We live in a city that connects with the metropolis of Vancouver by an express commuter train. For daily commuters, our new plan is not exciting in the least. But for non-commuters, it's downright exhilerating.

We live in the valley. And everyone around here knows that the city and valley folk are on different timeframes and wavelengths. Sometimes stepping out of one and into the other is like traveling abroad.

So, this is what we do. We buy a 19 dollar round trip ticket to Downtown Vancouver and we "commute" first thing in the morning. Except we don't go to work! We "travel" all day. The ticket covers our skytrain and bus fares and we are footloose and fancy free. We take a list of favorite bookstores, coffeeshops, music stores, thrift stores. And we explore the city until the last commuter train heads home in the evening.

So far, I have done it alone, and Bry has done it alone. I am scheming about a family excursion this summer when the beaches heat up.

It has taught us to look around for ways to make our current situation feel exciting and exotic, without going into debt for it. We have traveling gypsy blood, with a capital "T" and an urge to soar and fly like the eagle in the picture above.

This desire to explore surges on and on. We want to move into distant lands and onto furthermost shores. But, we also love to be here. So, our days in the big city take the edge off the wanderlust as we learn to create beauty in the everyday.

Don't Give Up

2008-02-22T23:40:00.000-08:00

"You Are Loved (Don't Give Up)"

Don't give up
It's just the weight of the world
When your heart's heavy I...
I will lift it for you

Don't give up
Because you want to be heard
If silence keeps you I...
I will break it for you
Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you
Everybody wants to be loved

Don't give up
Because you are loved
Don't give up
It's just the hurt that you hide
When you're lost inside I...
I will be there to find you

Don't give up
Because you want to burn bright
If darkness blinds you I...
I will shine to guide you
Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you
Everybody wants to be loved

Don't give up
Because you are loved
You are loved

Don't give up
It's just the weight of the world
Don't give up
Every one needs to be heard
You are loved

(Josh Groban)

The Colourful Bunch

2008-02-14T05:59:00.000-08:00

For Valentine's Day this year, we decided to host a "colours party." A co-worker of mine came up with the idea (I think...there may be a social tradition I don't know about) and hosted one during New Year's Eve. Ever since hearing the idea, I have wanted to do one with our homegroup crew. So, we did it. And everyone really go into it!

I drew colours from a hat and assigned them to each guest. They came dressed entirely in their colour and also brought food to share in their colour. It was really fun to see the array of colour around the table. We had lime pudding, yellow peppers, purple olives and grapes, popcorn, blueberry yogurt, green pasta with pesto sauce and other spunky delicacies.

My sister-in-law owns a game called "True Colours" that we played. It's basically a "getting to know the real you" sort of game and it went over really well.

Toward the end of the night, we took turns answering questions in a personality test called the "animal in you". If you've never hearde of it, take a look at the website and see what animal you are most like. I find it insightful and fun to discuss as a group.

A Miracle Everytime

2008-02-06T05:29:00.000-08:00

Since Mid-December, I have been picking up night shifts on the maternity ward. We've decided to plan for one 12-hour shift a week. And to be honest, one is all I can handle while balancing my time with the kids and running my home business. I know I am not very old, but night shifts hit me differently than they used to, and it takes a couple of days to feel fully myself again.

All that aside, I love being back in the maternity-world of birthing and babies. Every birth is an exquisite miracle, again and again. I never get bored.

On my first shift back, we had a birth that started in tragedy. An older women, in her 40's, called in with some concerns. She had woken up to use the washroom and suddenly saw blood. Her due date was just around the corner, and she was starting to have mild contractions. Our triage nurse asked her to come in right away so we could make sure everything was alright.

About 15 minutes later, we received a phone call from an ambulance attendant. He reported that a car had slid on the icy-snowy roads and into the ditch. The woman inside was pregnant and afraid and said she was on the way to the hospital. She couldn't feel her baby moving and was in turmoil over the accident.

They brought her in immediately and she was sobbing. I received her into room 4 and quickly moved her into a bed. She kept asking over and over, "please, my baby. I need to hear my baby!" I grabbed the external fetal monitor to find a heartbeat. My hands were shaking and my heart felt twisted into a knot of grief. Tears were running down her face, her husband's face, MY face. It was emotional to say the least.

Suddenly, we heard it. The clear, cheerful tap of her baby's heart. She was perfectly fine, safe and secure inside the cozy walls of the womb, tucked away and kept from harm. The relief was audible as we let out pent-up collective breath and gave thanks in our hearts. And it turned out the blood was merely pre-labour preparation, and she was well into her 1st stage of childbirth, rounding the corner toward the moment when she would hold her baby in her arms.

In that moment of waiting, I remember thinking about the poignant promise held in the hope for a baby. There is nothing like it. The fresh spark that a new life is coming, a clean-slated soul, wide open to take in the world, to reveal once again, the grace-filled beginning of humanity. It is the first step to adulthood. The innocent other and sun-side of the cycle, the illumination of the shadow.

I read a quote once, "babies are such a nice way to start people". I love that. And I find that being in close contact with the "start" of us, keeps me hopeful about humanity. Somehow I am given these glimpses into how a crusty-cranky old man starts out. He is, inside it all, a suckling pinkness, soft and round, and the absolute fulfillment of someone's desire.

We are knit in love, strand by strand, in the pulsing warmth of womb. And then we enter, close-lidded and dramatic, in a heaving push of relief. There are no ordinary births. Just miracles everytime.

The Task at Hand

2008-01-28T20:55:00.000-08:00

Good 'ole curly-eyed Hooley's is a pub in Ottawa. And I've got to tell you that I felt like this Hooley-bird looks at around 9 am this morning. There are few things that drive me to want a stiff drink. And cleaning the oven is one of them. I can't stand cleaning a nasty, baked-on-food sorta oven. My eyes glaze over and I start to twitch slightly at the thought.

I have procrastinated since Christmas. Can you believe it? I baked the turkey this year, and decided to do it in a shallow lasagna pan with tin foil over the bird. Let me just say that I should invest in a bonafide roaster for next year.

By the time Christmas dinner rolled around, we were rolling in a smoke-filled cavern that used to be my kitchen. The pan drippings dripped right down and out of my oven, into the compartment beneath, creating a serious fire hazard.

I cleaned up the bulk of the compartment drippings.
But until this morning, I hadn't touched the poor oven. I've been baking muffins in my toaster oven, for goodness sake! Just to avoid the task.

So, this morning, I asked myself why I was procratinating. "Self", I said, "why the fuss? What's the big deal?" And I realized that it's not the dirty oven that galls me. It's the nasty oven cleaner I have used in the past that makes me gag and feel I have 90-year-old smoker's lungs with one inhalation. And so, me, myself and I, looked for an alternative.

I pulled out my new favorite (well, for the last two years) book on healthy household cleaning. It's called Clean House, Clean Planet. And I discovered that all I needed was baking soda, salt and hot water. In fact, it's a recipe called the "sleep it off" oven cleaning solution. It's a mixture of 1/4 cup salt and 3/4 cup baking soda, mixed into a paste with hot water.

Ideally, you slather on the paste at night, sleep, and then awake and start scrubbing. The baking soda acts as a solvent overnight and loosens the caked-on gunk. To scrape, I used a scouring pad, lots of paper towels and some steel wool.

And my oven has never looked better. And to be honest, it took no more than 15 minutes of good hardy scrubbing. All that procrastination for 15 minutes of work!

As I scrubbed, I started thinking about how easy it is to let things in life bubble over and gunk up. A negative attitude, thoughtless words, unrealistic expectations for myself or others, lack of joy or hope, can create a mess. The mess starts to rise and bubble over. And even a small amount, over time, accumulates into an overwhelming task of cleaning.

I can't tell you how good it felt to clean that oven to a sparkling newness. It became a tangible reminder to me that it is often the simplest things, that are right before me, that clean a mess.

It is the everyday baking soda and salt of right relationships, keeping short accounts, hugs and "i love yous" every morning and every night (and lotsa times in between), quiet times of recentering and prayers, apologizing for swift and hurtful words, bad attitudes.

It is the simple paper towels like beans and rice and home-baked bisquits. And a glass of red wine with my man, after the kids have nodded to sleep. These are the moments of saying "yes" to authentic and meaningful life and relationships, in the midst of stress and struggle. The moments we take to breathe in deeply, the all-encompassing love of God that surrounds us at every turn.

I am thankful for this morning, for the silent scrubbing that became a sort of spiritual redemption. I could feel God's love, cleaning what is caked in my own heart, as I settled in with the task at hand.

Exploring Heaven

2008-01-13T05:27:00.000-08:00

Alley: "Mama, where is Annie's dog Jack? Where do dogs go when they die like Jack died?"

Mama: "Well, I believe that God has a special heaven for dogs, where they can be well cared for and at peace. What do you believe?"

Alley: "That's just what I think, too, Mama. Because dogs are the best. And God loves them so much. And God made them, so He wants them to be with him in heaven. And what about Smokey Bear? Is he in heaven, too? Cuz he died too and God loves Smokey Bear."

Mama: "Yes, there's a good chance Smokey Bear is right where Jack is."

**fast forward a few WEEKS**

On Tuesday, we were driving into Abbotsford for our MOPS group. On the way, we picked up an older friend named Rosina who helps with the childcare. While in the car, Alley started asking questions about her kitty cat, her 4-year-old granddaughter, what flowers she will plant in her garden this Spring.

All of a sudden she asked, "Rosina? Where is your husband?" Rosina replied that he had "passed on" a long time ago. Alley's eyes became huge and round. "You mean he died?!" And with a smile spreading slowly over her face, she said " that means he is in heaven with Jack and Smokey Bear!"

And yesterday, along this theme of death and heaven, Alley asked "Mama, when I go to heaven, can I open my eyes?"

I replied "Yes! You can open your eyes! And what do you think you will see?"

"Oh Mama! I will see God's eyes and nose! Can you and Daddy and Solomon open your eyes too?"

When I replied "yes", she begged me to call Bry on my cell phone to make sure he would open his eyes. When I put the phone down, she asked "Did he say Yes, Mama? Did he? Did he?!"

I have thought about this a few times since. It is so beautiful to me. Almost heartbreaking. And I realize that her childlike heart is able to grasp the hope of heaven. There is no hope in dying, if I don't believe I will have a chance to open my eyes on the other side. What do I hope to see?

This beautiful moment with Alethea (my child of truth) has carried me this week, as I go about the dailyness.

Something Else

2008-01-07T23:06:00.000-08:00

I am glad to say that I am back on my feet. The haze of tonsillitis lifted on Saturday and I began to eat, to hug my kids, to be part of the family unit again. I tell you, I was on another planet for four days straight. whew! Let's just say that I am certainly grateful for antibiotics. I tend away from them, since we are such an overmedicated world right now. And in the hospital, there is no end to the hubbub about "super bugs" from "over use of antibiotics." But when you need them, YOU NEED THEM. yep. And I am glad glad for them.

Enough about that.

I was going through some old letters today. And I came across a beautiful poem from a dear and beautiful friend. It is called A Child is Something Else Again, and is written by an Israeli poet named Yehuda Amichai.

**A child is something else again. Wakes up

in the afternoon and in an instant he's full of words,

in an instant he's humming, in an instant warm,

instant light, instant darkness.

A child is Job. They've already placed their bets on him

but he doesn't know it. He scratches his body

for pleasure. Nothing hurts yet.

They're training him to be polite Job,

to say "Thank you" when the Lord has given

to say "You're Welcome" when the Lord has taken away.

A child is vengeance.

A child is a missile into the coming generations.

I launched him: I'm still trembling.

A child is something else again: on a rainy springday

glimpsing the Garden of Eden through the fence,

kissing him in his sleep,

hearing footsteps in the wet pine needles.

A child delivers you from death.

Child, Garden, Rain, Fate.**

And one more from a favorite, ee cummings:

--how fortunate are you and i,

whose home is timelessness: we who have wandered down

from fragrant mountains of eternal now

to frolic in such mysteries as birth

and death a day (or maybe even less).

I am here, grateful for the chance to "frolic in such mysteries" and to press in, knowing there is more. Abundance. It is the New Year once again

Under the Weather with Beautiful Films

2008-01-04T22:23:00.000-08:00

This is a picture of my very cozy, especially-nice-when-I'm-sick slippers.

On New Year's Eve, I came down with something harsh. I was driving home after my second 12-hour shift at the maternity unit, and I suddenly felt feverish and really dizzy. We were scheduled to dress up for a party that night, but when I got home, I mumbled something about needing to stay back, and I crawled into bed.

The next day was even worse. I had the chills, a pounding headache, a really bad sore throat and a rattly, tight chest and hacky cough. What a mess! I laid in bed almost the entire day.

And on January 2nd, when I felt even worse, I pulled myself into see my doctor and was given the diagnosis of rip-roaring Tonsillitis and Sinusitis. Whew!

I have now been on Biaxin for two days and feel a slight improvement. I was lying in bed today, feeling very sick and sorry for myself. And I started to wonder about the term "under the weather." And it suddenly felt like a fitting thing to say. Especially as I gazed out at the heavy, grey winter sky. I DID feel "under the weather" in my spirit, just plain blah and depressed.

I don't want this post to be depressing, though. My intent is to talk about three beautiful films that we have watched while I am "under the weather".

The Black Stallion

Once

A River Runs Through It

I have seen A River Runs Through It before, and I absolutely love it. Even watching it for the 3rd time was just as powerful for me. And it's one of my husband's favorites, so it was fun to watch it with him.

But the other two suprised me with beauty. My husband bought The Black Stallion for my daughter after Christmas. And I figured it would be more geared toward children. I found it meaningfully multi-layered and soul-filled, with a great deal of depth. And I loved the artistry between the young boy and the Stallion.

One scene in particular is astounding in it's grace and gentleness . They are alone on a beach, and the boy wants nothing more than to ride the stallion. He lures the horse into the waves, until they are both swimming, and then mounts him while they are weightless. The stallion surges forward out of the waves and onto the sand. The young boy hangs onto his wild mane and rides bareback along the shore. Breathtaking.

And Once is a beautiful, foreign film that takes place in Dublin. It is the story of two friends who meet, and help one another find their purpose in life. It is poignant and heartbreaking. Especially for anyone who loves to travel, it is a journey into another parallel place in time. And the soundtrack! Gorgeous.

So, I suppose being sick isn't ALL bad. Just kinda bad. sniffle.

I'll give an updated report when I am above the weather!

Christmas Events

2008-01-02T20:07:00.000-08:00

We enjoyed a full and joyous Christmas season as a family. Alley was an angel in one Christmas pageant and a star in another. At the Christmas Eve pageant, where she played a star, she held up a "birthday card for Jesus" at the end. She was instructed to hold it open for all to see. When the moment came, without even thinking of what she was supposed to do, she showed it first to baby Jesus and then to the audience. It was a heartwarming moment for all.

We started a few new family traditions. On each Sunday during Advent, we joined friends for a meal, either at our place or theirs. And on Christmas Eve, we pulled our mattresses and a crib out to the living room and slept under the tree. It was so fun to fall asleep in one room together and to wake up together with the kids in their cozy pajamas. We each opened one gift on Christmas Eve and stockings early on Christmas morning. At 10, we walked across the street to my in-laws home for a brunch and the rest of the present-opening.

During the afternoon, we relaxed and watched "It's a Wonderful Life" and then traipsed back across the street for Christmas dinner at our home. It was a beautiful day as a family.

New Years was a different story! Soul-baby got the stomach flu and was going with gusto from both ends. And I came down with Tonsillitis and Sinusitis and have been in bed, flat-out-cold, for two days. What a way to start the year! But, I'm determined not to let it get me down, and Bry has helped by HELPING an incredible amount around the house and with the kids. And my mother-in-law made us dinner tonight. So, all in all, no complaints. Just a pounding head and throbbing throat and some whopping antibiotics to take on the 'morrow.

Winter Memories

2007-12-27T08:44:00.000-08:00

We have been enjoying a new winter tradition this year: iceskating! The local rec centre has a "loonie" (one dollar, for the non-Canadian readers) parent-and-tot skate on Monday, Wednesday and Friday mornings from 9:45-10:45.

We go on Monday mornings and finish with a little treat from the vending machine and a race down the hallway to the parking lot. Alley wins everytime, since I have to carry skating gear while pushing Soul-baby in the stroller! We have loved this new winter part of our life.

The first day, I wasn't sure how it would work out with both kids. I was planning to watch from the sidelines as Alley braved the ice. But as I observed other families on the ice, I realized I could safely take Soul-baby along in the stroller, as long as he had a helmet.

I am proud of our Alley's courage to try something new. Even during her first morning on the ice, she pushed off from the wall without hesitation, and determinedly learned how to balance. She used the walker for our first few times and braved a few falls.

And a couple of weeks ago, she announced that she wanted to skate "on her own", without the walker. She is improving every week and enjoys the other kids who venture out on Mondays. I see her carefully watching other skaters more skilled than herself. She learns from them, often challenging herself to try new moves and spins.

She wants to start learning to play hockey! We cringe (slightly) at this new interest, especially since the gear is so incredibly expensive to buy!! But, we'll take it one day at a time, and I'll keep my eye open for the odd piece of equipment at the local MCC and Value Village. Afterall, that's where we found all our iceskating gear.

Advent and Regaining Balance

2007-12-20T05:13:00.001-08:00

As the new year draws in, I feel coaxed to reflect, and renew. Our Advent this year has felt like a mixture of sand and water. Buckets of water flow through, from the endless supply of ocean waves, drenching our family with joy and goodness in this season. Some splashes also absorb into pockets of melancholy and damp darkness as the days grow shorter and shorter.

On the way to church Sunday, we marveled at the sun just peeking above the mountains at 10:15 am. Some mornings, the sky lightens at 11am. And nearing 3pm, it dips its head again for rest.

These dark days have a double affect on me. In one sense, they draw me to nestle and curl and sip tea in quietness (in between the general mayheim of a family day!)

In another sense, they terribly depress and de-energize me, contributing to the general stresses of the day, and making them feel insurmountable.

And so, the weeks of Advent have been a time of expectation, of waiting for that which is liftable, to be lifted. The services of Christmas bring me hope and lift my winter spirits. My soul looks forward to the bright tinkling of Christmas glasses and strings of warm white lights around a family feast table.

This month has held many things: Christmas tree cutting and decorating, outdoor-light-stringing, car trouble, snowstorms, Advent dinners with friends and family, the beginning of a home-based business (more on that later), iceskating at the rec centre, the transition back to maternity nursing (one shift/week), health challenges in our family, a complete diet change, and the realization that some things are more important than others.

I have felt some imbalance this month, as I stand (and teeter) beneath the larger-than-normal flow of ocean water. But this morning feels like a shift toward firmer footing. I am thankful for this moment to reconnect in this space, to sip jasmine green tea and to visit some of the deeper currents of our month.

I want to acknowledge two blogs that have brought me much comfort and inspiration over the month:

**Holy Experience.

**Soulemama

Please do visit them when you have a chance.

Just Delicate Needles

It's so delicate, the light.

And there's so little of it.

The dark is huge.

Just delicate needles,

the light, in an endless night.

And it has such a long way to go through such desolate space.

So let's be gentle with it. Cherish it.

So it will come again in the morning.

We hope.

--Rolf Jacobsen

Translated by Robert Hedin

(and borrowed from Soulemama)

Two Poems

2007-11-26T14:22:00.000-08:00

I have been impacted recently by these two poems and would like to share. I find them beautiful, beautiful. Enjoy with me...

A New Way of Struggling

To struggle used to be
To grab with both hands
and shake
and twist
and turn
and push
and shove and not give in

But wrest an answer from it all
As Jacob did a blessing.

But there is another way
To struggle with an issue, a question.

Simply to jump
off
into the abyss
and find ourselves
floating
falling
tumbling
being led
slowly and gently
but surely

to the answers God has for us
to watch the answers unfold
before our eyes and still
to be a part of the unfolding.

But, oh! the trust necessary for this new way!
Not to be always reaching out for the old hand-holds.

(Susan W N Duack)

The Prayer of One Ready for Birth

God who creates something
out of nothing
Compassionate Shaper of Clay
Tiller of the Soil
Midwife God
I am ready to be born

I'm giving up the darkness
of the womb
I'm waiting for the life
that you alone can give.

A little light
slipped through a crack last night
and covered up my fears

A promise leaned against my heart
last night
and told me it was mine.

And you were in that promise LORD
And you were in the light.

It's enough to give me hope again
I'm giving up the night.

(Macrina Wiederkehr)

The Holy Longing

2007-11-19T23:11:00.000-08:00

I was introduced recently to an exquisitely nourishing soul-book. My moments with tea, in my red chair in the corner, have been rich this week, as I've weaved my way through The Holy Longing, by Ronald Rolheiser.

Rolheiser writes for those in search of a Christian Spirituality. For those of us who have been confused by certain expressions of organized Christianity, especially the aspects that seem contrary to the God we have experienced, or the God we imagine is holding us in the palm of his hands, and is able to hold all that is "us", all that is created and human.

In the dedication, Rolheiser writes:

"For Henri Nouwen, 1932-1996, our generation's Kierkegaard. By sharing his own struggles, he mentored us all, helping us to pray while not knowing how to pray, to rest while feeling restless, to be at peace while tempted, to feel safe while still anxious, to be surrounded by a cloud of light while still in darkness, and to love while still in doubt."

To me, this communicates the grace of God, that my trust can propel me even while I am confused, that my creator does not expect me to understand all. It is okay to feel small and to approach with handfulls of questions. It is okay to keep walking toward the light, to take one step closer, to procede as far as the light shines in that moment.

In the reading of this book, I have felt my inner thoughts understood and expressed. I have felt relieved at points, that my questions are not "bad" or "dark", but part of my yearning for truth, for authenticity.

I especially appreciate the section on the "nonnegotiable essentials" as I navigate my way through the many expressions of Christianity I have experienced thus far. I am trying to find a clear way through, past the confusing inconsistencies and disagreements.

From Thursday-Sunday, I will be away for an Advent Retreat at a beautiful property nearby. I will take two books along, including The Holy Longing. And will settle into the largeness of a God I believe can hold me, and will lovingly accept my questions.

I highly recommend this book as a companion as we enter the Advent season, in preparation for the mystery and wonder of the Nativity.

The Great Fish Oil Mishap

2007-11-15T11:35:00.001-08:00

I'm not sure why I included this picture. I suppose because it shows the ocean, where varieties of fish come from. And this is a post about fish oil: COD LIVER OIL, to be precise.

You see, a couple of weeks back, one of us (I won't say who) was attempting to take the goat's milk carton from the fridge door. We have two shelves on our fridge door and they are removeable and interchangeable. As the carton was lifted, it nicked the edge of the shelf above and sent all the contents crashing against our STONE, kitchen floor.

One item that shattered with gusto, was a 1/2 liter, glass bottle of $60.00, lemon flavoured Norwegian COD LIVER OIL. And the bottle was nearly full.

I had recently purchased it through our Naturopath and it was to keep us in tip-top nutritional shape during the coming winter.

The house filled with an overpowering lemon scent and I was initially relieved. Lemon isn't too bad, in fact most cleaning products use lemon to cut odors like fish.

But, the world continued to turn. And the next morning, we awoke to the most putrid, rotting fish smell. Walking into the kitchen was like sticking your head in a pail of old fish guts. I mean, seriously! It was overwhelming at best! It filled the house.

You see, I made a mistake. I attempted to wash the towel that was used to sop up the mess. I simply couldn't part with it and decided to try a washing machine rescue. I even washed it on hot, which amplified the smell. BAD idea. REALLY bad idea!

Our washing machine smelled horrible. So, after three washes of empty, large load sized, hot water with vinegar cycles, it started to smell a little better. And I attempted a wash of clothes.

Again, bad idea!

Everything came out smelling like good old rotting COD. Merciful Days!

Since then, I have washed with vinegar and borax and each load gets a tad bit better.

But, the moral of this story is:
**Store fish oil in a safe, out-of-the-way place in the fridge.
**Don't sop up the mess with anything you might want to keep.
**Vinegar is the answer to most smelly cleaning issues.
**Burn lots of incense to cut the smell and purify the air.

And all-in-all, remember that when insane things happen like THIS, it's always good to laugh, smile and think of it as a good story.

Keeping Dreams Alive

2007-11-07T21:22:00.001-08:00

My husband and I just returned from our weekly date night. We have decided to have a non-negotiable night out together during which to reconnect as a couple. We have also decided to alternate who plans the experience. Tonight was my night to plan.

First off, we went to the local library and purused the books and magazines for sale. Every so often, the library staff clears out old stock and sells it all for dirt cheap. We both love to thumb through magazines , tearing out pictures as we go, and collecting them into collages. I especially love this. But we've decided to make some collages together, to "dream board" our ideas and dreams for interests and aspirations for our life together. We snagged about 20 great magazines (Living, Architectural Digest, GardenWise) for less than $1.50! Nice!

We then attended a slide presentation (free and at the library) by two remarkable individuals: Anne Brevig and Martin Vennesland. Anne Brevig is the author of a book that chronicles their adventures together called 9 Years on the 7 Seas. She told astounding stories of their years at sea: easing through pirate invested waters, docking in Morroco so Martin could receive emergency back surgery, getting caught in a 2km long fishing net near Iran. I loved listening to her thick Norwegian accent and uniquely honest and straight forward style of storytelling.

At the completion of the talk, the woman who introduced Anne and Martin drew two names of individuals who would each win a copy of Anne's book. My husband's name was drawn, so we now have a gorgeous and inspiring coffee table book about sailing. What a surprise blessing!

In this season of starting a business at home, finances are especially tight. And we have found it difficult to dream. So much of our energy is put toward making ends meet, and trying to have perspective and contentment in the midst of the strain. So tonight felt like a gift. It was inspiring to step aside for a time, and to allow ourselves to dream. And to know that God loves our hearts, and loves the dreams that stir passion for life inside of us. He longs to give us vibrance and blessing and is with us in the journey. These glimpses help us slog through on our way to more financial peace in our life.

Homeschool Room

2007-11-07T21:22:00.000-08:00

I took a few more current pictures of our homeschool room and decided to share.I would still like to get my working area more organized and decluttered. But for now (and with our budget) it is working GREAT and I am thrilled to have a little "work" corner of my own. This is (again) the reading tree with a cozy corner chair.
My side of the room: office desk, white board and filing cabinet. My computer and phone will eventually move down here.
A few maps and chalkboard/whiteboard for the kids.
This is my little Soul-baby area. Alley dives it to play as well. But this is especially crucial for entertaining him while engaging in more concentration-heavy activities with Alley.

A Beginning

2007-11-05T22:35:00.000-08:00

I have started creating a homeschool room. This is the book reading tree. It looks a little different now, with a big chair in the corner instead of the bookcase. But, it gives some idea. Our library is slowly growing. And we are working into the rhythm of daily reading times together in the big chair.

We decided to put Alley into preschool one afternoon a week for a 3 hour block. It is at a local church, a few blocks away. We wrestled with the decision at first, wondering if it would interfere with our goal to homeschool. Would she get too used to a school environment? Would she then be ancy at home?

Gladly, our fears have been relieved by the positive experience we are having. Ms. Joanne is a wonderful, loving woman. She has taught for years and has created an inspiring, creative atmosphere for the kids to learn in. I learn much from her discipline and teaching style. She is a really good fit for Alley's personality and brings out different sides of her. I feel like I am able to observe Alley in a different light one day a week, to learn what she gravitates toward in a group setting, how she responds to different types of leadership/teaching. And since it is only one day, the bulk of her learning still happens at home.

Sometimes, as I weed through all the info coming my way, I feel confused when it comes to how to *start* homeschooling. I'm sure I will revisit this many times as we grasp our personal philosophy more clearly in the coming months before diving into Kindergarten.

But in the meantime, I am reading Charlotte Mason and Susan Wise Bauer. I am weaving my way through the wonderful homeschooling blogs. And in our home, we are reading together lots and lots, and talking about the whys of this and that. We are getting into the rhythm of all-day-every-day learning. Alley reminds me to carve out plenty of time for creative/artistic play. And I quite like it.

First Blogiversary!

2007-11-03T19:14:00.000-07:00

It's hard to believe a year has passed as mamamonk. What a surprise source of joy it has been to reveal and find myself in this space. I want to thank you, my friends and gracious fellow-journeyers, for visiting from time to time, for taking the moments to step in for a glimpse and listen.

I look forward to what this next year holds.

Exploring the Capital and Re-Centering

2007-10-28T19:14:00.000-07:00

I returned this week, from a visit to Canada's capital city Ottawa. Some dear friends of ours have moved from British Columbia to Ontario within the last two years and have settled in the Ottawa area, where they are involved in Parliament. We really miss having them nearby! In the meantime, they have welcomed a beautiful baby girl into their family who I desperately wanted to meet.

My husband was generous to let me travel to Ottawa for a visit. I took Soul-Baby with me and Alley stayed back to hold down the fort with dad. Bry was able to work his at-home schedule around Alley's afternoon nap and early bedtime.They invented yummy snacks like "honey nuts" (mixed nuts drizzled with honey), played Candyland, went iceskating, and had a relatively peaceful few days. Alley was not excited about being "left behind" from the chance to ride on a plane. Because of this, we talked every night, gave kisses over the phone and she asked me to share details about each day.

At night when she crawled into bed, she wrapped herself in our big, cozy, orange blanket and pretended it was a mama-hug.

For me, the trip was rejuvenating and memorable. It was so good to have time with dear friends, to see their new corner of the world, to meet their daughter. We were able to do a few side trips to see other mutual friends and new babies and to enter, for a time, into different ways of living and seasons in eachother's lives. It was wonderful.

When I returned home, I felt refreshed and excited to jump into daily life. Cooking and doing dishes with Anne felt like a treat, especially because it was in her home, and felt communal and full of teamwork. Laundry was a fun adventure in their co-op housing unit. We walked in the sun along downtown city streets to buy food from the local grocery store. It felt effortless to cart our babies around from one task to the other, because we were TOGETHER and in the same season of life. The sense of community and friendship I felt, carried with me into my home as I eased back into cooking and doing laundry and picking up the many little things that end up on the floor throughout the day.

I walzed around inspired and joyful...for a few days.

And then wham! I felt discouraged and lonely, like a solitary pioneer slogging out the routine of home life and motherhood.

This dip in my perspective has intrigued me to stop, re-center and focus my heart . Yes, I do think our society is too individualistic at times. Yes, I would like to have someone next door in the exact same season of life who I can form a cooking/laundry co-op with. Yes, chopping vegetables and folding underwear is so much funner while having a good conversation with a friend. But, the reality is that it is MY home and MY stuff that needs to be done each day. I can't run from it.

And we all have our stuff. There are easier ways to do things, and I am learning slowly what they are. But at the end of the day, I have control over how I respond to daily work at home. And I have to take responsibility for how I choose to manage my home and how I consistently (or not) apply what I am learning.

I know I am not alone in this, and I know there are many home managers out there who have found easier ways to get it all done and are generous with sharing what has worked.

When I have a dip, I suddenly think we need to change our life NOW! I can be impatient and hasty in my ideas. My highly rational husband helps me pause and reflect on what I need. He sees emotions and reactions as personal feedback about my personality and needs rather than an immediate call for drastic action. I am more short term in my thinking. He sees the horizon and knows where we need and want to be. And I am grateful for this. He grounds my wild desire to just sell it all and move onto a boat.

But when I have a dip, it also communicates to me that I DO need to make a change and DO need to get refocused on my priorities and dreams for how we want to live.

So, this week, after experiencing a lonely "I need a house keeper and personal chef!" episode, I have slowed down and tried to take some time to plan out the month. I have explored things like once-a-month cooking and once-a-month shopping, but have not yet buckled down to do it. Some friends are starting up a cooking guild they call Heart and Soul: "cooking together is more fun than cooking alone!" I might join them for the next one, if I'm still in need of a communal kick-start.

But in the meantime, I am exploring ways in our current life situation, neighborhood and season of life to be more intentionally connected and to streamline some of the more mundane tasks of home management. I know I am not alone in this and have done my fair share of complaining and co-miserating. I can talk about my woes all day long if I want to (and drive us all crazy). But I also know there are many home managers out there who have found easier ways to get it all done and are generous with sharing what has worked. And my husband is a great teammate when I am able to ask for the help I need. So here starts a renewed exploration into the ART of home making. You might say I'm developing a new "craft".

I have come across many blogs on the topic, and websites galore. Here is a short list of some I have found helpful in the past and desperate present:

Fly Lady

Organized Home

Polestar Family Calendar

Home Advantage Plus

Once-A-Month Cooking World

Real Food for Real People

What has helped YOU? I welcome any suggestions for further resources along this journey. I will add to the list as I find others that are helpful.

Unexpected Joy

2007-10-18T13:58:00.000-07:00

It is morning, my feet slide onto cold wooden and stone floors. I move groggly toward the kid's room, where I can hear them giggling and playing together in Soul-Baby's crib. We move toward the living room, the orange fleece blanket drawn around us. We three cuddle in the corner burgundy chair and wait for the warmth to ease into our bones, to still us against the chill.

I put on Ben Harper and fill the tea kettle. Soul-baby pads around the living room rug with his sister's bright pink (lined with feathery, fluffy stuff) princess slippers with a triumphant smile on his face. His bulbous, round belly is pushed out like a pregnant monkey, his shoulders held back making him strut like he's a cool cat gangster. I swoop him up as he thuds by and hug him until he lets go.

The rain pelts our windows from all sides. A wry smiles curves on my lips as I realize the adventurous day before us.

See, my husband is in Vancouver for two days, with the Toyota, volunteering for the Writer's Festival. And on Thursday afternoons, Alley enjoys 3 hours of Preschool at a nearby church. It is especially nearby on a sunny day or when I drive her. But today, 30 minutes in the pouring rain, pushing a stroller, calls for a hearty breakfast and a strong cup of coffee.

I load them up, bundled and wrapped in fleece blankets. I scrounge around for the rain cover and draw it tight over our double jogger. They seem cozy and dry, and Alley is so excited to prance her toy horse for show-in-tell, that I can barely buckle her in.

The air hits us first. It is crisp and tinged with a smokey fireplace smell. Rain runs down my cheeks in refreshing steadiness. I am immediately transported and awakened by the sensual symphony of Autumn. I am suddenly excited. With each step I am reacquainted with an old friend, my favorite season. Every tree is a wooden palette exploding with fiery reds, burnt oranges and vibrant yellows. We crunch through piles of leaves. I hold up a changed Maple leaf for the kids to see. It is nearly a foot wide and high and the deepest shade of yellow. Beautiful.

I gather leaves on the way, take in the sight and smell of puffing chimneys. And settle into this changing season, glad for it's arrival.

*****************************************************************************************

No spring nor summer beauty hath such grace as I have seen in one autumnal face.-- John Donne

Autumn is a second spring when every leaf is a flower. --Albert Camus

Delicious autumn! My very soul is wedded to it, and if I were a bird I would fly about the earth seeking successive autumns. --George Eliot

Oh, good gigantic smile of the old earth this autumn morning! --Robert Browning

There is a harmonyIn autumn, and a lustre in its sky,Which through the summer is not heard or seen,As if it could not be, as if it had not been!-- Percy Bysshe Shelley

If winter is slumber and spring is birth, and summer is life, then autumn rounds out to be reflection. It's a time of year when the leaves are down and the harvest is in and the perennials are gone. Mother Earth just closed up the drapes on another year and it's time to reflect on what's come before.-- Mitchell Burgess

Why Not?

2007-10-15T15:35:00.000-07:00

I am in the process of learning a very important lesson about parenting. It has taken me some time to get into the rhythm of having a daily schedule, something that provides structure (and ultimately freedom) to my days at home with my family. In many ways, I have become an order loving, aspiring woman and am slowly decluttering many layers and levels of my life.

The flipside of this newfound order, is that in trying to keep it up, I can sometimes forget what it's all for.

So that's where my four-year-old comes in.

This morning, in the fresh-breaking dawn light, I awoke to a high-pitched squeal and excited exclamation, "Today is a party day! Wake-up, Mama! I need streamers and tape and all kinds of decorations!"

I groggily opened my eyes and asked "What?!"

"Mama, it's a party day! Let's celebrate!" And this morning, for some reason, a voice in my head asked "Why not?"

So, we pulled out the streamers, and decided it was the day's birthday. Because after all, a new day is born each morning, right? So we hung them up with electrical tape (that's all I could find) at various angles and heights around the house. For a birthday cake, we piled our pancakes high and lit a firecracker candle with glee.

The whole day was party-themed. We played games, sang Happy Birthday, had a family dance party to Irish jigs (The Chieftains) and generally maintained a celebratory spirit.

And you know what? I don't think any of us will every forget it. At a few points during the day, I thought to myself, "We should do this kind of thing more often. After all, this is what I imagined parenthood to be. And it can be this way when I say 'why not?' more often and 'not today' less.

At the end of the day, while peeling streamers from every nook, I felt thankful again, for the way my children teach me to greet life with open arms, to leave no rock unturned.

Oh my goodness

2007-10-03T15:26:00.000-07:00

One Tough Mother

2007-09-29T19:42:00.000-07:00

These little people in my house are hard to be tough with sometimes. But they know those moments when mama ain't got no backbone. And they wiggle right into those moments with the strongest wills they can muster. They find the Achille's heal with swiftness and precision. Do you relate to this at all?

That's why I was inspired by a session at the MOPS convention lead by Julie Barnhill, the author of ONE TOUGH MOTHER.

Just for the record, Julie Barnhill is hilarious. I was laughing so hard my side ached. She is "raucous and refreshingly real and relevant" and honest about the challenges of being a mother.In her talk, she outlined ten non-negotiables for how to stand firm and be the mom with confidence, love and firmness.

1) Be the boss without apology.*Do not delegate, abdicate or relegate your responsibilities as mom. Be consistent, firm and fair. Say what you mean and mean what you say.

2)Delight in your perfectly ordinary child. *Don't give into the stress to always have an extraordinary child. Delight in the ordinary moments. Don't pressure your child toward unattainable ideals.

3)Stop tinkering with the inane.* Decide on what really matters. Focus on TO BE rather than TO DO.

4) Say no like you mean it.* "I understand you would like that, but no.""Thank you for asking, but the final answer is no."

5) Get a hobby other than your children.

6) Love them like crazy. (truly, madly, deeply)* Develop a family "always". For example: "Our family always shares with one another."

7) Remember that it is all worth it.

8) Leave nothing unspoken.* "I am so glad I had you." "I will always be your mom."

9) Face your own Giants.* Step up and own it when they've been wronged. Step up and own it when they are wrong.

10) Never give up.* You are only a failure if you give up forever. :)

Alternative Pathway

2007-09-28T14:10:00.000-07:00

In light of my recent post, I thought I would spend some time reflecting on a few available alternatives to Hormonal Birth Control. My husband and I have used all 4 methods to varying degrees and have settled on 1 that we find appropriate for us. Some are more precise and effective than others, but all 4 honour a woman's body by working with her natural rhythms. And there is great potential for self-education in each charting method. The umbrella term is "Natural Family Planning" and I will break it down into four types of NFP.

Some folks confuse the term "NFP" with "The Rhythm Method" or "The Calendar Method" which I find misleading and inaccurate. The "rhythm" and "calendar" methods are typically hit and miss and revolve around a woman approximating her windows of infertility and fertility based on the numbers on a calendar, rather than on evidence obtained from personal signs and symptoms.

1) FERTILITY AWARENESS METHOD (FAM):

My husband and I started out with this method. I learned a great deal about my body and cycle and found it a good place to start. The book that supports this method is called
Taking Charge Of Your Fertility. The author, Toni Weschler, has a Master's degree in Public Health, and does a great job of highlighting the basic elements of NFP. She goes into detail about the harmful effects of hormonal birth control and educates the reader about ways to use FAM with or without barrier contaceptives (condoms, foams, gels, diaphragms etc). It is widely used by people who are making the decision toward NFP for health, rather than religious, reasons.

I do have one main concern about this method. Charting revolves around three physical signs: basal body tempature, cervical fluid changes, and cervical position changes. FAM encourages the use of all three signs. Personally, as a nurse doing night shifts, and as a newlywed on my honeymoon, I found the tempature very hard to monitor consistently. Basal Body Tempature needs to be measured at approximately the same time each morning for it to be accurate. Also, it is a more concrete sign than cervical fluid changes, and many couples rely on the tempature aspect of the chart above cervical fluid. Cervical fluid changes are always more accurate than tempature alone.

Some users really like having all three signs to check against, but they must use all three consistently, with no sign taken above another. And if the signs are in conflict, accurate cervical fluid changes should always take precedence.

2) SYMPTO-THERMAL METHOD and SERENA-

When we were first learning the ropes of FAM and engaged to be married, we took a course on the Sympto-Thermal Method with a Serena-using couple. It is similiar to FAM in that it incorporates all three physical signs. The terminology is different. For example, they use "cervical mucous" instead of "cervical fluid". Personally, I feel more comfortable with the FAM terminology. The Serena charts are slightly different, but overall, we found it is very similiar to FAM.

3) BILLINGS OVULATION METHOD-

The book that supports this method is called The Billings Method - using the body's natural signal of fertility to achieve or avoid pregnancy by Dr. Evelyn Billings & Ann Westmore.

This method is based around cervical fluid changes and awareness of physical sensation changes at different times during a woman's monthly cycle. It is a more simple method and very user- friendly. As with any method, it is important to buy the book and learn from an instructor in your local area who can give clear, specific information and guidance in the early months of learning NFP.

I have been very impressed with the effectiveness of the Billings Ovulation Method in third world countries. Mother Theresa taught women in India with great success. And Billings has been used in China (with a 99% success rate!) to educate women about their bodies and to empower them to have more control against the forced abortion laws.

Here's a little blurb from their site:

"The Billings Method is the most modern natural way to achieve or avoid becoming pregnant. Once four commonsense guidelines are learned it is applicable whether a woman has short or long cycles. It can be used by a woman who is breastfeeding, approaching menopause, recovering from stress or coming off contraceptive medication.
It teaches women to recognise their own individual pattern of fertility and infertility and to understand that they are infertile more often than fertile throughout their reproductive years.
They learn to recognise the fertile phase of their menstrual cycles, when conception may occur. It also gives valuable information to the couple so that they can make decisions about their joint fertility. "

4) CREIGHTON MODEL Fertility Care SYSTEM-

This method includes biomarkers (cervical fluid and sensation changes) similiar to the Billings Ovulation Method but is more scientific, thorough and slightly more complicated. It doesn't use basal body tempature at all. The observation and charting system is very precise and thorough, which takes some getting used to. But it is the most accurate approach to observation and provides users with a sense of security in knowing no sign is missed.

We have chosen it as our method of choice. It requires dedication, but is very effective and satisfying once you get the hang of it. Learning the method is costly at first. But once you have learned with the help of a practitioner, you are prepared for the rest of your child-bearing life. And the initial fee is good for years of support from a qualified instructor.

Here's a little blurb from their site:

"The CrMS is not a contraceptive system. It is a system of true family planning The information obtained for monitoring the phases of fertility and infertility can be used to either achieve or avoid pregnancy. Users of the CrMS know their fertility status on any particular day and are given the freedom to utilize that information as they so choose."

Those are some of my thoughts about what is out there. I welcome any comments or questions, or personal stories about what has worked for you

Muffled

2007-09-24T16:40:00.000-07:00

A couple of years ago while working a night shift on the maternity ward, I picked up a Macleans Magazine and began to read. The front cover displayed a young girl, maybe around age 14, dressed in a loose T-shirt and looking gaunt and troubled. Inside was an article that disturbed me. It revolved around a variety of new birth control pills that would be made available within the year. One claimed to provide ultimate freedom for young girls "suffering" with menstuation and fear of unwanted pregnancy. Advertisements stated they would only have to "deal" with a period three times a year, on a seasonal, rather than monthly, cycle.

I have been an advocate for women's health for years. And this has often included taking every opportunity I can to educate friends and fellow women about the dangers and health risks of using hormonal birth control: pills, shots and rings. So, I was extremely interested in the article and mulled over the potential health effects this new pill might have.

I kept the magazine in my file drawer, and have thought about it often over the last two years. I have wondered what ever became of the new, upcoming pills. Regretfully, I got busy researching other things that felt more desperate and immediately applicable to my life (like how to discipline a strong-willed two year old!) And up until now, I hadn't heard anything new.

But today, I received a disturbing email from a friend. And it has made me want to take a look at these new "luxuries" that are availble for women of child-bearing age.

MENSTRUAL CYCLE-PLEASE READ!

PASS THIS ON EVEN IF YOU DO NOT USE IT

Recently this past week, my cousin Nicole Dishuk
(age 31...newly graduated student with a doctoral degree about to start her new career as a Doctor...) was flown into a nearby hospital, because she passed out.
They found a blot clot in her neck, and immediately took her by helicopter to the ER to operate.
By the time they removed the right half of her skull torelieve the pressure on her brain, the clot had spread to her brain causing severe damage.
Since last Wednesday night, she was battling.. they induced her into a coma to stop the blood flow, they operated 3 times.
Finally, they said there was nothing left that they could do. They found multipleclots in the left side of her brain. The swelling wouldn't stop, and she was on life support..

She died at 4:30 yesterday. She leaves behind a husband, and a 2yr old Brandon and a 4yr old Justin.
The CAUSE of DEATH -they found was a birth control she was taking that allows you to only have your period 3 X's a year... They said it interrupts life's menstrual cycle, and although it is FDA approved... shouldn't be - So to the women in myaddress book - I ask you to boycott this product & deal with your period once a month - so you can live the rest of the months that your life has in store for you. Remember, you have a CYCLE for a reason!
The name of this new birth control pill is Lybrel. If you go to Lybrel.com

http://www.lybrel.com/ , you will find at least 26 pages of information regarding this drug. The second birth control pill is, Seasonique. If you go to the website of, Seasonique.com http://seasonique.com/ , you will find 43 pages of information regarding this drug. The warnings and side effects regarding both pills are horrible. "

Now, I am skeptical of forwarded emails like this one. So I did a little research. It turns out that quite a bit about this email is true. Nicole did die of a stroke. And she was on Librel. However, "snopes" and other "urban-legend-debunking" websites are not able to access confidential medical information to verify ALL the claims of this email. All that to say, this email might not be 100% correct. Regardless, I am extremely concerned about the growing number of women in their 30's on the pill, who, with no other medical conditions or concerning histories, die of sudden strokes. And it concerns me that one of the major side effects of the pill is : death by stroke.

So, if you can, take a minute to check out the websites. And please make an informed decision in regard to hormonal birth control!

I would value any comments from lurkers and readers. I think this is a major issue for women in our era. And it concerns us on many levels.

MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers)

2007-09-21T05:18:00.000-07:00

I am writing from a beautiful resort hotel in Orlando, Florida. I arrived at the Gaylord Palms yesterday just after lunch. I am here until Sunday with a group of four other MOPS International Leaders for the Annual Convention. There are 5000 women here! It feels unbelievable to be in a place with so many WOMEN! Salvador, Go Fish and a group of "Stomp-like" performers entertained us last night. Matt Redman lead worship and a variety of gifted speakers shared their vision with us.

Today is packed with seminars that we have signed up for. And tonight at 5:30, there is an opportunity to sing with Sara Groves, in a back-up choir. I'm not sure if I'll be the first 100 out of 5000, but I'm going to try.

I am starting a MOPS group at our church this year, starting on October 16th. And let me just say: I am incredibly glad to be here for encouragement as I start! I am learning a great deal from the talented women around me who have been involved with MOPS for years.

My first experience with MOPS was last year when I attended a local group as a participant. My friend Mary invited me and it seriously opened my heart and forced me to breathe and relax. The first meeting felt like a hot bath and massage and I realized how stressed I had been, how much tension I carried on my shoulders. As the coordinator shared her heart and validated our experieces as young moms, I felt like my heart was literally melting, stretching, and yawning inside.

The slogan is "MOPS: Because Mothering Matters. Better Moms Make a Better World." The focus this year is "Dwell Well from the Space You Call Home." The topics and curriculum for the year revolve around "Heart, Home and Planet." They encourage us as women that when our hearts are filled up with God's love and vision, our home is affected. And when we build and nurture loving, God-desiring home environments, we affect the world.

After the talks, 6 of us came back to our room and we talked and shared until 3 am. Karumba! We are insane, but it was incredible. Two women shared their life story up to this point. We listened and hugged and cried in solidarity of their journeys, of the winding roads that have eventually lead them to a place of love and hope, a place where they know they are Queens.

I am so thankful for this gift of being here.

Four Going on Fourteen

2007-09-07T00:10:00.000-07:00

Our big girl is a whoppin four! Her big request was to have her first pony ride. We arranged for an hour-long ride on Angie, one of the ponies at Matsqui Stables. Alley loved it! She wanted to trot the entire time. It was a family effort as mom, dad, grandma, grandpa and auntie took turns leading (RUNNING!) Angie by the rope, around and around the corral.

"Mommy, on my next birthday, will I be fourteen?" I chuckled at the irony of such a question. My husband and I frequently joke that we already have a teenager. Our girl is emotional and witty and full of sass and sometimes we slap our heads in amazement, wondering how we will weather her true teenage years.

Alethea has been talking about getting married. She wants to marry me, somedays she's happy to marry her brother. Other times she asks her dad when they can get married. We try to explain the natural order of things, that sisters don't marry brothers, and that mommy and daddy are already married to eachother, which means we won't marry anyone else.

So, the other night at dinner, my husband asked "Alley? Do you want to fall in love and get married someday?" Without hesitation, she answered, "Yes, Please! Who?"

And so it goes! Needless to say, we have our work cut out for us. I suppose now we should work on an arranged marriage!

We are delighted with our girl. She is full of love and spunk and vinegar and we treasure these days when we still have her in our home. She's like a year-round fireworks display, bringing lots and lots of spark.

Birthdays

2007-09-01T18:54:00.001-07:00

Thursday, August 30, was my 28th birthday.

Over the last couple of months, I have been on a path toward knowing myself and my loved ones more honestly and wholly. It has been excruciating at times. But as I step into another year of life, another year older, my prayer is to continue even further forward into the light and darkness that is me, that is we, that is us. As I am more open to myself, I see that God is strong enough to carry all that is ME. And I am freed up to be more open to others. There is more space in my own soul to carry and truly SEE the souls of dear ones in my life.

On my birthday, I learned more nuances about myself that I didn't know as deeply before. I realized that I am sensitive when it comes to how I celebrate/am celebrated on the day itself. I've discovered since getting married that an important part of my identity is to be a "low maintenance", "go with the flow" kinda woman. And I suppose in some areas I am pretty flexible and laid back. But sometimes this expectation causes me to stuff my emotions and to be out of touch with how I really feel, who I really am.

Over the last 5 years of marriage, I have seen my "princess-self" come out in my expectations for my birthday. I love to celebrate in general and do so any chance I get. And I am happy to be the one to create celebratory festivities. But there's just something about the day of my birth. I have grand expectations that don't involve ME lifting a finger. Ya know the old saying: "queen for a day"? Well, you get the idea.

All that to say, I had high expectations for my birthday. At the end of the day, looking back, I was able to see that it turned out just fine. I enjoyed many calls, emails, cheerful messages on facebook, a dinner at my in-laws home, marshmallow roasting and a thoughtful card from my husband in the evening. It was a full day. But for some reason, I felt lonely and overlooked, and I figuratively held my breath all day, waiting to be dissapointed.

The next morning when I awoke, I was perplexed by how expectation-tinged the day before had been. It seemed in my mind, that every acknowledgement was simply a trailer to the main event. But what is the main event? I don't even know. And I'm not sure why I wait for it, whatever it is. And though I wanted to have different emotions and perspective, it was hard to shake how I was REALLY feeling and it seemed important to take a look at and listen to the responses bubbling up in me.

Shadowed Perspective. Unrealistic Expectation. Discontentment. These are mindsets I am struggling through right now. This is part of my path of discovery: letting the real stuff emerge so I can keep what is healthy and redirect what is unhealthy, with lots of Divine intervention.

That night (last night) my dear friend Mary organized a party for me with 9 girlfriends at a local Pub/Microbrewery called Mission Springs. Because it wasn't the day itself, I felt so freed up to enjoy and have no expectations and we had a blast! I must say that even if I had maintained lofty expectations, her and everyone's thoughtfulness would have exceeded them! We stayed from 8- midnight, talked easily over pitchers of margaritas and yummy food, and enjoyed a night out without children underfoot. It was a wonderful time.

And here I am tonight, 28, and feeling full and content with my life. It's funny (and downright unnerving, irritating, disconcerting) to ride the waves of emotions some days. And yes, sometimes I am a princess. Sometimes I am a "high maintenance" woman. And ya know what? I am okay with that. And I think my husband is too. As long as I don't deny it. It's all about not denying it.

"Fundamental change is not a casual occurrence. We cannot casually commit to the process of spiritual transformation...Our entire being is called to the task, for the journey from density to light involves every aspect of who we are." Marianne Williamson

Summers in British Columbia

2007-08-23T21:09:00.000-07:00

Because our winters are grey, dark and dreary, our summers are GREEN and GLORIOUS. And this means that we don't spend an extra minute indoors that we don't have to. This also means that I am a deliquent summer-blogger!

Our summer has been full to brimming with camping trips, music festivals, reunions, gardening, berry (strawberry, raspberry and blueberry-almost time for blackberry!)- picking and general summer shananagans.

With the added space of the downstairs, we've been painting walls and murals on walls, posting old fridges and stoves on "Craigslist" to sell, hiring "Dale the Cleanup Guy" to truck away two large pickuploads of general junk and parts of the two outdoor sheds we tore down. Whew!

Once again, I will need to post a few things in retrospect. More frequent posts to come!

This past weekend was our 2nd annual Feast Collective. Last year, a dear friend (Carrie) blogged about the feast. This is what she wrote:

About three weeks ago now I was able to be part of the most interesting hippy event. It was a reunion of sorts, with a philosophy. My first year out of university I lived with three other girls in what became known as the "llama lodge"... It was a great year of family as we all pitched in for meals and parties and sadnesses and joys. Community at its rawest!!! Since those days all of us vagabonds have shuffled around, and this "Feast Collective" was to be a reuniting of that community, atmosphere and people.
As we got together to roast a pig, prepare a feast, take care of children added to our original numbers, camp in the rain, sit by the fire, swim and play on logs in the lake, share stories of what has been and hopes for what may be .... I was amazed at what a dedication to vulnerability and honesty could do to meld a group of disconnected strangers together. Beyond catching up, there was a sense that for these days we could carry each others lives and all they entailed. With the reality of not being able to keep in touch with everyone it was amazing that such a sense of connectedness and support could be felt throughout the weekend. But then... that was the philosophy behind the whole reunion."

Looks like an incredible film

2007-08-07T14:37:00.000-07:00

My sister sent me a link to the film BELLA today. Please check out the website and consider promoting it in your city--

I received a link from my sister today to the movie BELLA. It looks like an amazing film. It recently won the People's Choice Award at the Toronto Film Festival.

I poured a cup of tea and watched the four video segments. Lots of goose bumps on my arms and tears in my eyes by the end. Well done movies with meaning make me feel hopeful. If you have a minute, spend some time reading the story and watching the trailers.

My husband attended a Leadership conference last week. It was organized and put on by Bill Hybels, the pastor of WillowCreek Church in Chicago. The Producer for Bella was introduced during the final conference day and able to share his story about working on Bella.

So, needless to say, we are excited to actually SEE what we're excited about:).

Best Birth Scenes

2007-08-05T22:38:00.000-07:00

I have recently watched two movies with incredible (realistic!) birth scenes. There's a lot of harsh content and violence to get through in both films. But I don't regret seeing either one. In fact, they are remarkably well done.

1) CHILDREN OF MEN
2) APOCALYPTO

There you have it. Are there any other great birth scenes out there that you've seen?

UTAH, IDAHO, OREGON & WASHINGTON

2007-08-01T17:39:00.000-07:00

This will be my final roadtrip post. I have enjoyed sifting through the hundreds of photos during the trip (digital photo technology is wonderful!), remembering some of the meaningful moments

and sharing them here on my blog. But, summer marches on and there are many other things to write about. So, here we go.

We continued our roadtrip north to the South and North rims of the Grand Canyon. They are vastly different, and my dad made us promise to visit both. We lingered on the rim, watched the mules and hikers ascend sweat-drenched and sun-reddened, ate icecream cones at the old-fashioned soda fountain and generally marveled at the immensity of the GRAND Canyon.

Since I lived so near it during my childhood, I have probably been there 10 or more times. Though familiar, it was just as spectacular as I remembered it and especially so as I watched my husband and children gaze down toward the tiny Colorado River at the bottom.

The North Rim was more rustic and geared toward serious back-country packers/explorers. The main lobby of the Grand Canyon Lodge overlooks some of the most awe-inspiring geology and vistas in the world. We were stunned by the extreme, rugged beauty and angles of light, so different from the Southern perspective.

We ate dinner in the open air at a picnic area off the main road. There were no guardrails, and a serious dropoff just beyond our table. Our quiet and powerful mover and shaker was on the go and ran so dangerously close to the rim that we decided to tie him (with a loose rope around the waist) to a tree. He was free to roam and we were free to eat our meal without mortal fear for our child!
We camped on the South Rim for two nights, explored the surroundings, listened to the ranger talks, roasted marshmallows. After the kids were asleep, we rested in our hammock between two trees and sipped small bottles of Cabernet Savignon.

Our day at Zion and Bryce Canyon National Parks was refreshing. We hiked The Narrows, and drove leisurely to each lookout along the path at Bryce Canyon.

While in Utah, we looked into the possibility of renting a YURT at one of Idaho's State parks. Ponderosa State Park had one available for 45 bucks a night, which we gladly scooped up. Below, is the view out the ceiling window. It was cozy and warm with a double bunk bed, futon, table and small heater.

The next morning, we stumbled upon an amazing restaurant called The Pancake House in the neighboring town of McCall.

From Idaho, we drove the back roads (Hells Canyon Scenic Byway) into Eastern Oregon. We visited our dear friend Katie for two nights at her home in Enterprise, Oregon and one night at a gorgeous cabin on the Imnaha River. Below is a picture of Alley and Katie picking produce for our dinner from Dr. Boyd's (her dad's) greenhouse. It would take me a few posts to pen all the events of our visit. Suffice it to say that we had a full and wonderful time.

One of the more interesting aspects occurred around 5 am the first morning we were there. I woke up with Soul baby and resettled him to sleep. I felt really rested, so I decided to stay up and brew some coffee. The smell of smoke was heavy in the air, and since the previous day had been unusually cold, I assumed someone was burning their wood stove.

I peeked out the window and saw the sky dark with smoke. I walked outside and noticed the smell had a different, more chemical quality to it. I started to walk down the street, in my pajamas, toward the cloud of smoke. It led me to downtown Enterprise, where a large brick building, attached to the fire station, was in flames. There were at least 10 firemen holding water hoses from different angles. The flames were licking so fiercely and destructively that I started to cry. What an unbelieveable sight.

The entire building (a saddle shop below and apartments above) was destroyed. The feeling I had watching a huge building reduced to ashes has stuck with me. It has reminded me to live deeply and fully now, to not be attached to possessions and to have compassion on those who have experienced a similiar tragedy. If I could only save two things in a house fire, I realized it would be our family pictures and my journals. Writing this reminds me that I need to get them together into one box.

Our final visit with friends was in Wenatchee. Mark and Wendy fit us into their lives the same week they were moving across town! We had a wonderful time , enjoyed Wendy's delicious cooking and watched with joy as our kids had a blast together. Wendy and I have simliar (horrible) pregnancies, and with their third on the way, we had a lot of shared experiences to catch up on.

It seemed appropriate after all of this, that we had a full week with extended family at our "every- two- years" reunion. My heart felt especially appreciative for the friends and family we have, the relationships that exist outside of possessions. We had a blessed, life-giving time with everyone at a retreat center/family camp in the Wenatchee National Forest.

And after a month on the road, we returned to our cozy home and Alley exclaimed "It's our house! I'm so excited to sleep in my own bed again!"

And we agreed.

Phoenix, Sedona and Flagstaff, ARIZONA

2007-07-17T06:13:00.001-07:00

After Tucson, we drove a short 2 hours to Phoenix, where we luxuriated in three days with our dear friends Aaron and Natalie.

Natalie works full time from her home on all the varied details of Warm Hearth. Shortly after their two years in Armenia as Peace Corps volunteers, she was able to purchase and create a sustainable, holistic, group home for the orphans she had poured her life into. She discovered toward the end of her stint, that 8 of her "kids" would be sent to Psychiatric institutions, as they had outgrown the orphanages. At the time, there were no long-term group homes in Armenia to meet this desperate need. So, together with friends and family, she was able to begin a revolutionary model of care in January 2006.

She and Aaron have created an artistic, welcoming home of vivid colour and we were thankful for the chance to *see* more of their daily life: watering the plants twice a day, cooking in the darkened kitchen to avoid the sweltering heat of the desert summer, music, Natalie's harp in the corner, loaves and loaves of strawberry bread, ice-cold beer.

Alley and Soul-baby fell in love with their super cute dog Shadow. Alley wanted to be with Shadow every waking minute.

From Phoenix, we drove the back way to Mormon Lake, through the forested, weaving towns of Pine and Strawberry, Arizona. The drive was gorgeous, but took us WAY longer than we thought it would. We subsequently had a very "toad" camping experience that first night, arriving in the pitch dark, just after 10 pm. We had never set up our new 8-man tent, the kids were sleepy, cranky and tired and we were exhausted and in need of food. But somehow, we set our jaws and shuffled through the night and in the morning, awoke rested and ready for another day. The campground host "Max" was a delightful older gentlemen. We arrived just after the long weekend and were the only guests he had. So, he went out of his way to be welcoming. He brought us a large pile of leftover firewood for free, brought icecream bars for Alley and spent leisurely time telling us the best backways and shortcuts to the various sights we wanted to visit.

We spent the first day in beautiful Sedona, a flaming, red-rocked expanse and God-made feast for the senses. My family and I camped, fished and cliff jumped at Grasshopper Point during my childhood and once again, it felt full circle to return there with my own children, to see them cooled and coaxed by the same currents of Oak Creek. A young girl was standing at the top of a low cliff, staring down at the deep pool, afraid to take the plunge. And I remembered my own fear as a child, paralyzing me against responding to the encouragements from my brother to "just jump!" These poignant memories rose and settled, and circled their way around my growing and changing self.

We escaped from the noontime heat into the coolness of The Chapel of the Holy Cross . My husband and daughter lit a prayer candle together and I snuggled with Soul-baby and listened to the Gregorian Chants.
In the evening, we met up with some dear friends Kira, David and Timber and shared a potluck dinner at Wheeler Park. Afterwards, we drove up to Lowell Observatory where we watched a movie on astronomy and gazed at stars through a massive telescope. Flagstaff has a no-street light ordinance to diminish "light pollution" in honour of the Astronomers who research there. I remember as a child, we would sit on the grass under the light-pricked arch of black sky with a map of the constellations. It felt like we were in heaven with lights all around us. There is nothing like the Flagstaff night.

On our way to the Grand Canyon, we stopped at Sunset Crater and Wupatki. Alley was fascinated by the Pueblo Ruins and quickly jumped into imaginative play, pretending it was her own house. We walked around slowly and I asked her what she thought each corner was used for. It was a wonder-filled time to see it through her eyes.

Tucson, ARIZONA

2007-07-12T17:38:00.000-07:00

It seems time for another installation from the road. In some ways, our roadtrip seems far away as we live out the dailyness of our present existence. But the blessings we received from the road, continue to carry us even now.

When we arrived in Tucson, we were greeted by a gorgeous array of colourful perrennials outside my parent's home. They are lovingly tended by my green-thumbed mama. My parent's entry-way courtyard brims with flowering vines. A restful, tinkling fountain flows, surrounded by crocus' and wetland-loving lilypads. Birdfeeders and hanging candles highlight the curving paths. And a rod-iron garden table with two chairs lingers to the side in the cool shade from the mesquite tree.

My parents, older brother Jeff, his wife Lisa and their 5 beautiful children welcomed us. We met our newest niece for the first time. Alley excitedly asked if she could hold her tiny cousin, and Lisa warmly obliged and helped Al find a comfy position of the couch where she could get acquainted. They live in San Antonio and it is always a treat to have time together and to watch the cousins play. I was glad for a few chances to catch up with Lisa and Jeff, to hear of their farm, Jeff's busy medical practice and Lisa's adventures in homeschooling and gardening.

A dear friend (Meg) and I met up for coffee and gelato at the Casas Adobes Plaza, a beautiful collection of shops and cafes down the street from my childhood home. We had a chance to renew our friendship and to share our dreams in hope for one another.

The main event of our time in Tucson was my youngest brother's highschool graduation from Pusch Ridge Christian Academy. He graduated with honours as a National Merit Finalist, played a sweet guitar duet for the ceremony and was acknowledged for his acheivemnts and full-ride scholarship to Baylor University. I was proud of my "little" bro who measures in a 6'5". Since we are 10 years apart in age, I often feel I have missed out on a lot of the milestones of his teenage life. It was a joy to become aware of his involvements and abilities and to celebrate the completion of an era for him. I experience a great deal of joy when I get to watch my brother grow into a man before my eyes.

Another dear friend (Mel) and I had some cherished time together. We caught up on her business as a Flamenco Instructor and weaved together the stories that bridge our long-distance friendship. As always, we had to say goodbye much too soon.

My mom and I spent a morning at Tohono Chul Park, one of her favorite places in the world. Nourished by Prickly Pear tea and a delicious breakfast in the cafe, we walked leisurely around the gardens, looking at the native flora and fauna of the Sonoran Desert.

My Dad and I walked together the four mornings (Early! Before the desert heat) we were there. I loved having a chance to be involved in his daily routine, to see the Mama Dove he sees every morning and to hear his thoughts on the world and politics.

During an impromptu visit with my Grandpa and Uncle Mark, we were able to pick grapefruit from the trees I used to make forts beneath as a child. Alley loved it and ran around, swinging from branch to branch. It was a gift to be in my Grandparent's home again, to pay respect to my Grandma and to feel her lingering presence.

And before we knew it, we were packing up to hit the dusty north-bound trail.

Menlo Park, Ojai and Duarte, CALIFORNIA

2007-06-26T17:36:00.000-07:00

Making Balloon Animals

After our crazy night in Portland, we awoke at 4 am to drive the long stretch to Menlo Park, California. We arrived around 7 pm and were greeted along the roadside by my Aunt Donna and Uncle John. They made a delicious meal which we all enjoyed on the patio, by the light of my Uncle's fish lantern.

In the morning, Uncle John got out remote-controlled race cars for Alley to play with. She drove them and Soul-Baby chased after them. It was super cute to watch. We all tried our hand at making balloon animals and shapes. When we climbed in the car to continue our journey, we were surrounded by funky-looking dogs and multi-coloured hats and bracelets.

Uncle John gave us a book called The Ultimate Gift, which we read on our way to Ojai, California. It's a thoughtful read about leaving a legacy. The main character, Red Stevens, is a Millionaire who realizes the disservice he has done to his family by giving them large amounts of money without any training or exemplary wisdom. He has felt disconnected from his family and experiences a sense of regret. As his estate of oil companies is being divided, the true colours of his heirs come through in their selfish and greedy attitudes during the reading of his will.

His great nephew Jason is given an odd inheritance. He must go through 12 challenges on a monthly basis. If he is able to stay on course, he will receive the "ultimate gift" at the end of the year.

It is a simple, yet stirring parable-like tale: definitely worth the read. They have recently made the book into a movie. We really appreciated the gift and the chance to read it aloud and talk as we drove along. We finished it by the time we pulled into the town of Ojai.

Grandma and Grandpa Ward

Ojai was sunny and beautiful. We spent the night with my husband's Grandparents on his Dad's side. Bryan's dad was actually visiting them at the same time so we all enjoyed being together.

They live in a suite atop the garage of their daughter Sarah and her husband Randy's home. They are in their 80's and never cease to amaze me with their wit and hospitality. Grandma only has a toaster oven to cook with and still managed to make Baked Chicken Breasts with Lemon-Pepper, rice and steamed veggies. How does she do it?!

They had gifts for the kids, a trampoline out back for getting the wiggles out before bed, and a screened-in sleeping porch. I could tell it all felt magical for Alley. Before we left the next day, we went out for delicious Mexican food at a local favorite of theirs. And shortly after, we waved as we continued down the highway toward Duarte.

Grandma Russell

Our final stop in California was at "Russell's Rest", the home and Bed and Breakfast of Bryan's Grandmother on his mom's side. What a lovely woman! She showed Alley her singing birds and mural in the Solarium. And various artifacts from her time in Ethiopia. We enjoyed conversation over dinner and then relaxed in the living room when Aunt Jen and Uncle Michael joined us with their Dog Ruby.

One of Bryan's favorite things about his Grandma (fondly called "Queen Esther") is her breakfasts. They are always delicious and celebratory. We were not surprised when we awoke to blaring instrumental music, a beautifully set table and large slices of melon at each spot. She had everything you could imagine for a FULL breakfast. Yum!

And as we pulled away from each home on our trip through California, we felt both filled up with blessings and saddened that we can't do daily life more often with this family we love.

The song going through my head

2007-06-26T15:21:00.001-07:00

Loving A Person

by Sara Groves and Gordon Kennedy

Loving a person just the way they are, it's no small thing

It takes some time to see things through

Sometimes things change, sometimes we're waiting

We need grace either way

Hold on to me

I'll hold on to you

Let's find out the beauty of seeing things through

There's a lot of pain in reaching out and trying

It's a vulnerable place to be

Love and pride can't occupy the same spaces baby

Only one makes you free

Hold on to me

I'll hold on to you

Let's find out the beauty of seeing things through

If we go looking for offense

We're going to find it

If we go looking for real love

We're going to find it

Portland, OREGON

2007-06-22T14:59:00.001-07:00

I've been reading through some of my writings from the road. And I thought I should keep the posts coming so I can chronicle the trip and move into the present events!

Our first night along the road was spent in the home and company of our dear friend Bree. She and her sister rent a quaint and trendy du-plex in Portland, right off artistic Alberta Street. They are thriving in the unique/communal atmosphere around them and enjoy the diversity of expression and surprise literally at their doorstep.

We had a wild introduction to Portland!

As soon as we pulled up to her house, Bree burst through the door, wrapped us in hugs and pushed us back into the truck, exclaiming "We have to catch the parade!" Portland's annual "Art Hop" was just winding down and the Marching Band Parade of Clowns was making it's last turnaround before calling it a day.

We raced down the street and made a mad dash toward the music, dodging the crowd and weaving through tables of sculptures, paintings, jewelry, handmade clothing. And this is what we saw: gothic "vauderville" clowns on stilts swaying atop an old firetruck, a string of funkified marching band players, one with an electric guitar plugged into the front of the firetruck. The music was amazing and dance-to-able; I could not NOT dance! It sounded like a mixture of funk and reggae with tight, crisp rhythms and a driving beat.

There were funky bikes cruising around the streets. A few of the particularly unusual machines were poised outside of the "clown house", a community of clowns (professional and amateur, I think?), with a twist. In the picture below, with Alley getting her face painted, you may notice a couple of cross-dressing clowns in the backdrop. A little eery for me, I confess. I have crawly-skin feelings about clowns in general, but especially gothic clowns with freaky painted faces.

But, despite the heebbie jeebies, we really liked observing an obvious fulfillment of a group's wild dream. We love that Portland is the kind of place where a group of scary clowns can form a community of unique expression and become known around the world. They can keep crazy welded bikes in their front yard without the city issuing fines.
Later that night, we joined some of Bree's friends for a backyard BBQ. A few of the guys mix music and gifted us with sweet beats all evening as we munched on edamames and shish kebobs.

As one point in the night, one of the women was juicing fresh tangerines. She filled a pitcher and brought it back outside with ice cubes floating. The rest of us had a variety of beers and some wine and I was glad for some juice to give to Alley. I filled a medium-sized glass and she took a few thirsty gulps. The music really got going and Al was dancing like a maniac. She seemed especially wild and would take little breaks from dancing to have some juice.

She was tipping her half empty cup for another swig when the woman who juiced the tangerines looked her way and exclaimed "No sweetie! Don't drink that! That's just for the adults!" I overheard this and quickly swooped it out of her hands, only to taste the unique flavour of Vodka. OH. MY. GOODNESS.

Thankfully, the percentage of alcohol was low and we caught her before she drank the whole thing. But man, we felt bad. For the rest of the night, we handed her drink after drink of water and made sure her tummy was full of bread and fruit and other healthy foods to absorb any remaining alcohol.

Moral of the story: always taste what you pour for your child.

And that was Portland. We had a fantastic, whirlwind time with a dear friend. And if you are reading this, Bree. Thank you.

Bungalow sweet Bungalow

2007-06-20T18:30:00.000-07:00

We are home. After a month on the road, it felt good to unlock the door to our bungalow and reenter our daily life. I have spent three days doing laundry, cleaning out the car, checking messages, restocking the fridge and a hundred other little tasks of returning. I find myself decluttering as I return trip paraphenalia to their closets and their shelves.

Here are a few little corners that needed to be reorganized.

While we were away, my husband's brother (who was renting our basement suite) moved into his own place.

We are gradually expanding into the downstairs where I will have an office/schoolroom and a craft/art space! I am thrilled to have a little more room to spread my creative wings.

So much of our trip was about rediscovering: ourselves, eachother and our dreams as a family. My husband and I had leisurely time in which to relearn one another and to concentrate on the kids together. We had hours in the car to talk and reminisce, to dream and to reflect. We wove through old places we visited as children and built on memories as a family. And as we journeyed, we absorbed the beauty of Washington, Oregon, California, Arizona, Utah and Idaho. What a gorgeous collision of created nature. Pictures to come!

It feels good to be blogging again. And in many ways, it's like starting to exercise after being relatively immobile for a time. I'm stretching my muscles again, getting ready to rebuild them. This is another beginning.

Burnt Red Rocks

2007-06-03T07:25:00.000-07:00

I am writing from the Redrock Country Inn in Kenab, Utah. We decided to settle into a hotel for 2 nights after 4 nights of camping. It was really nice to have a comfy bed last night after sleeping on rocky desert ground.

I realized this morning, that with all the stories and thoughts I want to write about, I might have to do an "along the road" stream of blog posts AFTER the fact. That way, I will have my pictures uploaded to my computer and can do more reflective blogs on the underbelly of the experiences we've had.

For now, I will describe our whereabouts. Kenab is flanked on it's north side by a range of exquisite red rock. The vast, windswept plains surrounding it and the endless horizon dramatizes the contrast: there's a burning mountain in the distance on a palette of clear blue.

Before this, we camped two nights at the Mormon Lake Double Springs National Forest Campground, just south of Flagstaff. We visited old haunts in Sedona and Flagstaff and met up with dear friends (Kira and David and Timber) for a picnic in Wheeler Park and a night viewing stars through the telescopes at Lowell Observatory. Alley loved it. We ALL loved it. I was flooded with nostalgia, as I watched Bry holding her up to look out the main telescope. It almost seemed like I was watching myself, held up by my own Dad. I have looked through that same scope countless times as a little girl. The observatory always felt magical to me and the wind seemed to always blow the perfect amount, through the vanilla-scented Ponderosa Pines.

From there we camped two nights at the Desertview Campground on the South Rim of the Grand Canyon. More about that in a coming post. Yesterday, we explored the North Rim and last night, settled into the RedRock Country Inn in Kenab,Utah. For fun, Bry and I curled up in bed with Alley's portable DVD player and watched Curious George.

Today, we drive to Zion National Park to hike "the narrows", a beautiful hike through a narrow canyon. Part of the hike is through water. Last time I was in Zion, two hikers came through after a multiple day trek. They were exhausted, with sweat and mud-streaked foreheads, walking sticks, dusty boots. They looked up with tired smiles and one said "all I need is a steak and a bottle of red wine."

Bry and I hiked it on our honeymoon and today, are returning with our children. I am wonder-filled at this full circle.

Roadtripping

2007-05-29T14:16:00.000-07:00

I have had a difficult time logging into my blog account on the road. Some computers have filters that don't allow me to sign in. So, I am excited to have a few moments to write.

We've been on the road 10 days now. On our way to Arizona, we stayed in Portland (OR), Menlo Park (CA), Ojai (CA), Duarte (CA)and then Tucson (AZ) for 4 nights. We are now in Tempe (AZ), getting ready to pack up for a few nights around Northern Arizona (Flagstaff, the Grand Canyon and Sedona). The kids have done remarkably well and we are relaxed and very happy to have so much time in the sunshine. Glorious!

I will have more time to write at internet cafe's over the next few days and will share some stories from the road.

Tea Cozeys and Pregnant Bellies

2007-05-15T14:27:00.000-07:00

This past week felt overwhelming. We packed in too much up-and-outtime with not enough in-and-downtime. And I began to feel it in my body. I woke up with a headache, sore throat and cough mid-week. My energy felt low-low-low. And I have been on neutral, coasting through the days. This morning, my energy levels are rising up, and I am starting to feel out from under the heavy water. I need to remember to let my tank fill all the way up again before depleting it.

We have a lot on the go! I've been encouraged and supported by my church family to coordinate a MOPS(Mothers of Preschoolers) group at our parish. We will begin in October, so I will have the summer to prepare and a weekend away in late September to attend the MOPS conference in Florida. We had a couple of meetings this past week, and I spoke to our Women's ministry group on Saturday morning. There has been an enthusiastic and supportive response to my needs for establishing a leadership team. And it looks like some of the more difficult positions to fill (Preschool-age Childcare Leader and Discussion Group Leaders) are almost completely filled! And with women who are just as excited as I am. I am thankful.

I've been crocheting long, thin, stripped scarves and sewing tea cosys this week. I suppose I have needed the creative outlet to still and quiet my soul as life around me whirls with busyness.

This is the last week before we leave on a month-long roadtrip through the states. This will be our first long, camp-as-we-go trip as a young family. I've been planning on paper and gathering tips for traveling with two kids under 4. It has been more work than I first anticipated. We'd like to bring homebaked snacks along and buy most of our food at grocery stores with some eating out. I've been really busy this week gathering supplies and ingredients for cooking and baking and planning activities to keep miss precious-precocious occupied. I would love to hear some suggestions from the more experienced moms who might be reading this. Please feel free to share your traveling expertise!

My dear friend Meghan is near to having her third baby. We've kept the tradition of taking pregnancy photos of each other. This morning she arrived in her maternity finest with a Tim Horton's coffee (double double!) in hand. How did she know I had run out of coffee this morning?! We enjoyed our brew and then spent an hour in the yard, celebrating this coming child by capturing the final in-utero days on film. I included a couple at the top of this post.

This feels like a random post, in part because I have felt uncentered this week, and a bit random. sigh. I think this is the beginning of getting back where I can breathe the air again.

Add to the Beauty

2007-05-08T22:02:00.000-07:00

Artist: Sara Groves
Album: Add To The Beauty
Year: 2005
Title: Add To The Beauty

We come with beautiful secrets
We come with purposes written on our hearts, written on our souls
We come to every new morning
With possibilities only we can hold, that only we can hold

Redemption comes in strange places, small spaces
Calling out the best of who we are

And I want to add to the beauty
To tell a better story
I want to shine with the light
That's burning up inside

It comes in small inspirations
It brings redemption to life and work
To our lives and our work

It comes in loving community
It comes in helping a soul find it's worth

Redemption comes in strange places, small spaces
Calling out the best of who we are

And I want to add to the beauty
To tell a better story
I want to shine with the light
That's burning up inside

This is grace, an invitation to be beautiful
This is grace, an invitation

Redemption comes in strange places, small spaces
Calling out our best

And I want to add to the beauty
To tell a better story
I want to shine with the light
That's burning up inside

An Ordinary Day

2007-05-07T22:41:00.000-07:00

I've been asked by friends what an "ordinary day" looks like in my life. And today felt like the kind of ordinary day I would like on a regular basis! So, I thought I would post about it.

My husband awoke at 4:45 am, like he does everyday (insanely disciplined man!!), and set the alarm for me: ( 6:00am). I stumbled around in the dark, rubbed my eyes, put on my green fluffy (furry? grass-like?) slippers and made a piece of toast and a mug of coffee.

I decided to have one goal for the day: get on top of laundry! I threw in a load right away and set my timer for30 minutes, so I would remember to transfer the clean clothes to the dryer. During the 30 minutes, I got dressed, read, made a fruit salad, boiled 4 eggs, set the table for breakfast and put away dishes in the dish drainer.

Then, I put in load #2. I set the timer again and made a quick sweep of the house: threw dirty laundry in the hamper, straightened the bathroom, and peeked at my calendar for the day.

The kids woke early (6:45) and Soul-baby had royally wet through his jammies, so I drew a warm bath and put them both in. I put on make-up and wrapped my mop of hair into a fun scarf while they washed and scrubbed. Ten minutes later, they were out and dressed and ready for the day. They played together for 15 minutes while I put breakfast on the table. Alley ran downstairs to fetch Bry from his office.

Breakfast came and went in a flash. Soul-baby was already whimpering and rubbing his eyes, ready for a morning nap. While he napped, I washed dishes and swept and Alley coloured and worked on her preschool book.

By now, the first load of laundry was washed and dried, so Alley and I folded and put it away. We played, read some books and prepped for lunch. Soul woke up, we fed him, tickled him, hugged and kissed him. We three, the kids and I, ran some errands around town. When we arrived home, the kids played on the swing while I unloaded the truck.

We had lunch together, washed up and transferred another load of laundry into the dryer. Alley helped me fold another finished load.

Soul ran around for 30 minutes and then began rubbing his eyes again, ready for nap #2!

With both kids in bed, I was free to work on a craft/sewing project I've had on my list. I did this an hour and then weeded my herb garden and part of my veggie garden. The kids needed cuddles, drinks of water, and another "tuck-in" somewhere in there, but then finally fell asleep for two hours.

I prepped dinner and put it in the oven. I finished another load of laundry, read for a little while. I was going cross-eyed from sleepiness, so I set the timer for 30 minutes and then laid down in the sunshine pouring through the window. It felt wonderful. The timer went off, the kids woke up a few minutes later and I set the table for dinner.

I set Alley up with a Berenstain Bear's DVD and Soul followed me around, grinning from ear-to-ear.

I put on my workout clothes, gave hugs and kisses all around and drove to the rec centre for a "Power Yoga" Class. During the 10-minute relaxation/breathing exercise at the end, I fell into a deep sleep. I made a mental note to go to bed earlier!

After the class, I changed into my clay-splattered overalls and drove to the gorgeous property where my pottery teacher lives. He has agreed to let a few of us use his studio over the summer. I spent 3 peaceful hours creating with clay with CBC playing in the background. Lovely.

It was a busy, full-to-bursting day. I wouldn't want every day to be as full. But is was wonderful as I climbed into be,d to know I had spent meaningful time with my maker, my husband, my children and myself.

I'm a Canadian!

2007-05-03T15:03:00.000-07:00

On Monday, May 1st, I became a Canadian Citizen. I am officially "Dual": American and Canadian.

I first came to Canada in 1997 on a Student Visa. I later obtained a Work Visa as a Registered Nurse and then converted it into Landed Immigrancy status with Spousal Sponsership. My husband and kids are Dual Citizens as well.

This is a dream come true. Years ago, we talked about working toward my Dual Citizenship so that we could come and go in either country without hassle. In part, it is a symbol of marriage, of two citizenships becoming one. I've been "engaged" to Canada as a Landed Immigrant for 3 years and now am officially "married" and recognized as a Canadian family member.

During the ceremony, we were asked to stand and sing the Canadian anthem, to swear/affirm allegiance to the Queen, to take the oath of Citizenship. The judge took time to share a speech about the rights and privileges of a Canadian Citizen and to welcome us into the family. He read a list of the countries represented and we each stood for applause. There were 115 of us from Bangladesh, India, Korea, Jamaica, England, South Africa, China, Kosova, Germany, United States and a few others countries.

My husband, parents-in-love, brother and sister-in-love and children attended the ceremony. It was wonderful to have them there with me.

I am thankful to be at the end of this journey and to hold Canadian Citizenship. I have grown to love this country and feel honoured to be fully accepted into it.

Just for Now

2007-04-30T21:23:00.000-07:00

I have gone into my friend Tamie's blog countless times to watch this You Tube video. So, I figured I should give her credit and then post it on my blog. The performance of this song is exquisite. Please watch and enjoy.

Nurturing our Marriage

2007-04-30T19:59:00.000-07:00

Bryan and I were given a great gift on Friday. Our friend Becca offered to keep the kids for the whole day so we could enjoy a leisurely all-day, no curfew date! She stayed the night so we could stay out as late as we wanted to. Wowee.

We fled for the mountains with our rain gear and hiking boots. The rain was pelting the windwhield as we drove, but we were happy and feeling alive and determined not to let the rain affect our day together.

We spent most of the day traipsing around Lynn Canyon and LightHouse Park in North Vancouver. We bush-whacked along the coast, scrambled on seaweed-slicked rocks and watched three majestic eagles soar on the breeze just above us. A small fleet of ships had set anchor in the water between LightHouse and Stanley park and we wondered aloud where they were from, what freight they were carrying.

We rested on the shore for a long time, leisurely picking up strings of conversation from long ago, easing into a restfulness together where we could really SEE eachother, and hear eachother's hearts.

The darkness began to settle around us. We stood slowly and stretched. We circled around and over the rockface a different way than we had arrived and loaded our gear and rain jackets in the truck.

The drive along Marine Drive was breathtaking. Dramatic evening light arched behind the distant lighthouse and surrounded the sillouettes of Madrone trees along the shore.

Since we were chilled and dampened from the rain, we decided to browse in a local bookstore and settle in with hot drinks. We ran into an old friend, talked about the books we had lingered with, returned into the night refreshed.

Much of our drive home was in silence. The rumble of road and soft patter of rain on the windshield was restful and sealed the feeling of solidarity and deep knowing between us.

We were reminded how important it is to spend time together nurturing our marriage in beautiful, natural settings. We are blessed to have family nearby who love our children and enjoy taking care of them so we can have dates together. But we usually go to a concert, or out to eat, or to a party with friends. And though these events are fun and encourage and inspire us in different ways, there is nothing like a day in nature together.

Ginger Tea, Garlic and Kleenex

2007-04-27T06:35:00.000-07:00

Our family has been hit with a few strains of yucky colds. They have lasted almost two weeks and we are ready to be healthy again!

I bought an 8-pack of Kleenex and we are on the last box. I am surrounded by mounds of used tissue. Even though I am a nurse and have dealt fine with more blood and bodily fluids than anyone would want to, I am still significantly grossed out by snot. And the kids have not learned how to blow their noses all that well. So, their bodies have to "blow" their noses by repeated sneezes. oh. wow. I am struggling to maintain composure in all of this.

The rain continues to fall in these parts. The dampness is keeping loads of people ill. All of our family friends have at least one child with a cold. We seemed out of the woods on the weekend, but on Monday, we started sneezing and coughing again.

So, I decided this morning that we are going to pull out the big guns against these colds. I have some isotonic mineral water, lemon-flavoured cod liver oil and an herb tinture from our naturopath. I have chopped garlic and boiled ginger and vitamin C. I have plain organic yogurt to replace some of the friendly bacteria that has been killed by antibiotics for Alley and Soul-Baby's ear infections a few weeks back. And we are going to get lots of rest!

Our dear friend Becca (and Alley's Godmother) has offered to stay with the kids today so Bryan and I can have a day hiking together. She is a nurse, so I feel certain she will take good care of the kids in their sneezy, snotty state. And maybe a little fresh air and a break from the nose-blowing will do me good. I've been feeling cabin-feverish, if you know what I mean.

So, we will bundle up and head off for a day outside. I am really looking forward to it.

Friends

2007-04-26T06:54:00.000-07:00

This last week has been graced with visits from our friends Mer and little Mer (of the Merry Potter) and Bree and Angus.

Mer and her daughter came up from Washington for Soul-Baby's Saturday birthday party. We have been friends for years, long before marriage and motherhood. They were able to stay through Monday, and it was wonderful to have leisurely time together. Our daughters are at an age (Alley-3 and 1/2 and Little Mer -almost 2) where they can play together and talk together. It was heartwarming to watch these little blondies, extensions of our own hearts, walking around, bumping into eachother, laughing, learning to share, growing to be friends.

Parenthood changes friendships. I find particularly with old friends, parenthood deepens what was already there. Mer and I have a deep well to draw from and I feel thankful for the memories and loyalties that continue to grow and expand. She reminds me of who I was before combining my life with another, and helps me integrate who I am and who I can be.

We took the girls to a local park and watched them squeal and slide headlong toward the soft, wood chipped-ground with static hair and flushed cheeks. Beautiful.

Bree and Angus arrived on Wednesday in route to the east coast of Canada. Angus is a friend of Bree's from the Omack area in Washington. They are taking the train Coast-to-Coast in one month. The Vancouver area is their starting point. We can't wait to hear stories from the road!

Bree has been a dear friend for years. We went to the same University for Nursing (a few years apart) and enrolled in a Doula course together when Alley was an infant. She now lives in Portland, but we keep-in-touch and welcome any chance to visit eachother.

Visits such as these are like windows opening in my soul. They turn my eyes a different direction and open blinds to let in streams of light. Our hearts reunite for a time. With the goodbye, I felt a portion of my heart carried across the ferry to an island in Washington and stowed away in a back-slung bag on the coast-to-coast train.

Fullness of life.

Guess who's 1!

2007-04-24T09:57:00.000-07:00

Our strapping Soul-boy is one-year-old. We celebrated at our home on Saturday with a pancake breakfast. His morning nap is usually 8:30-11:30, but I decided to wake him at 10:00 (halfway through HIS party) so the celebrants could at least see the boy! I suppose it was more for the older siblings, parents and friends anyway:). He seemed to absorb that something special was happening when we all looked at him and broke into song, a cheery one with HIS name in it.

The first 6 months of his life flew by. He SLEPT ALL THE TIME. Seriously. He was our "4-naps- a-day" boy for 6 months. When he was awake, he was nursing or smiling. Then he went to 3 naps and now he takes two long ones: morning 8:30-11:30 and afternoon 1:30-4:30. His daddy is 6 foot 8 inches, so he was doing a whole lot of growing in his first year and needed sleep and food.

And now he is walking, and playing ball, waving "goodbye" and "hello", signing "more" "food" "milk," and fully weaned (2 days before his birthday). He drinks locally collected goat's milk and eats a pureed version of whatever we're eating.

When Alethea was younger, birds and fairies were an emerging theme in her life. They continue to hold symbolism for her, and for us, as we think about her character and personality and about our hopes for her. I will write more on that later.

And for Solomon, it is rocketships. Over the last 3 months, we've been given a lot of "Rocket Ship" stuff: sweatshirt, pajamas, t-shirts, robeez shoes. I started to notice this last month after I had folded and put away a load of laundry. I started thinking about this symbol and have chatted about it with my husband.

Astronaunts are dreamers and visionaries. They have to believe that the moon and the planets exist, that they can walk on the moon, that they can arrive, can survive. They have to be brave and willing to go "where [few] men have gone before." They have to stay calm under alarming circumstances. It's important that they are adaptable within varying environments and unafraid of change. They have to prepare meticulously for a journey into darkness, hoping to find what they are looking for. Astronaunts also carry the hope of those they leave behind as they shoot toward the sky.

Solomon is very calm yet determined. He has a quiet, inquisitive gaze. He seems to set the atmosphere with his strength and peacefulness and doesn't seem to be swayed by unrest or chaos; he remains unruffled by what is happening around him.

We believe he has the heart of an astronaunt. We believe he will have a unique vision in his life, that he will want to pursue at all costs. And we will be right behind him, cheering for him at each step of the way.

It seems a lot to put on a little one-year-old! I suppose to balance these high hopes and prayers we have a lot of simple joy in being his parents and in seeing how he surprises us! We feel immense joy in seeing our children grow and deepen and become who they are meant to be. And we are thankful for this first year in his life.

Family Time Away

2007-04-17T12:58:00.000-07:00

I just unpacked and washed our clothes from our time in Whistler over the weekend. There was sweaty, stinky snow gear: gloves, woolen hats and socks, long underwear. We had such a wonderful time, that I still felt warm with memories as I loaded it all in the washing machine.

Some dear friends offered us their timeshare at a condo for Friday and Saturday and we gladly took them up on the offer.

Whistler is gorgeous. It's about 2 hours north of Vancouver along the Sea to Sky highway. The village itself is pedestrian-only and is full of quaint accomodations, restuarants and shops. It's a very high-end resort destination nestled just past Squamish and along the coastal mountains.

Shortly after our arrival, we explored the village and had lunch at a cozy French Bistro called La Brasserie des Artistes. The ski and snowboard festival was just getting started and people from all over the world were making their way across the courtyard and toward the live music near the Blackcomb Gondola.

Our kids were congested and feverish from colds, so we didn't stay out in the snow too long, just enough to breathe crisp, clear mountain air and to get a feel for the atmosphere. On our way back to the condo, we drove leisurely through some high-end neighborhoods and got ideas for further renovating our little bungalow.

Since the kids were still sneezy and cranky and sleepy the next morning, we decided to keep them inside. So, we gave eachother awhile to explore alone.

I mostly walked around the village, popped into a few snowboarding shops, settled in with a cinnimon bun, apple cider and a magazine toward the end. It was lovely, and I thought a great deal about snowboarding and about whether or not I should try to get outfitted again.

I used to have my own board and boots and everything I'd need for a day on the slopes. But during my 4th semester in University, money was tight, so I sold my stereo and snowboarding gear to cover a looming tuition bill. I've been wanting to replace the gear ever since.

The shops at Whistler are expensive. I found a snowboarding outfit I loved and it was over $500! I was overwhelmed by the idea that all those bodies were walking around wearing and carrying nearly $2000 worth of stuff. I came back feeling pretty discouraged, that this hobby I love is extravagant and extraneous and not worth the money.

But I LOVE to snowboard. It is my favorite sport, hands down. Is there a economical way I can get re-outfitted? I had a long chat with a friend after the trip. He reminded me that I love used stuff, and serendipitous finds. And that if I'm willing to wait, there's a good chance I'll find just want I want and need, for a fraction of the price I'd pay for new gear.

This is more my style anyway.

Later that same day, I took Alley on the Gondola to the Tube Park. We had a wonderful time tubing together! I was amazed at how brave she was. I mean, she was barely tall enough to be allowed on the mountain. And she launched herself fearlessly down the mountain, laughing and squealing the whole way.

As we rode back down the Gondola, cozy and warm in our snowgear, I added up how much we had paid for it. Alley's snowjacket was a hand-me-down, her snowpants 50 cents at a garage sale, her boots 2 dollars at MCC thrift. My Down Jacket is 30 years old, a hand-me-down from my dad, my snow pants 2 dollars at MCC thrift. My hiking boots $125 new, but 5 years old and still trucking fine. Our hats and gloves no more than 5$ in total, from MCC thrift.

And we were super warm after a pretty chilly tubing adventure.

So, I am encouraged, that it is okay to do this seemingly "extravagant" thing I love. I just need to remember who I am and make mindful choices about what I REALLY need in order to do it.

God is With The Poor

2007-04-15T21:54:00.000-07:00

(photos: WildHopeInternational Team)

My husband's aunt and uncle live in Africa with their 4 children. This is a picture of them shortly after their move to Arusha, Tanzania. They have started an amazing organization called Wild Hope International. This is a quote from their blog introduction:

"Wild Hope International is responding to issues of poverty, HIV/AIDS, poor education, lack of resources and spiritual hunger. We like micro-enterprise and dignity-producing methodology. We love seeing people become all God intended them to be. We're also interested in caring for and enjoying God's good Creation. Wild Hope is a faith-based, registered non-profit organization formed by a group of friends with long-term experience in Africa.

Wild Hope, P.O. Box 40576, Pasadena, CA, 91114"

They are an inspiring family with an incredible sense of adventure and a finger on the pulse of God. They live loud with obvious belief in the BIGNESS of God, that He CAN do all things.

One recent post from their blog includes a YouTube Clip of Bono's award-acceptance speech. I want to share it.

Approaches to Homeschooling

2007-04-15T14:57:00.000-07:00

"It is, in fact, nothing short of a miracle that the modern methods of insturction have not yet entirely strangled the holy curiosity of inquiry, for this delicate little plant, aside from stimulation stands mainly in need of freedom."

-Albert Einstein

"I have never let my schooling interfere with my education."

-Mark Twain

"Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire."

-William Butler Yeats

I just finished reading a useful little book called: Home Is Where the Learning Is: Homeschool Lifestyles From Homeschool Moms, by Valerie J. Steinle. Though written simply and with a somewhat confusing layout, I enjoyed the outline of educational approaches and the collection of stories.

In the first chapter, she outlines 7 common educational approaches.

1) TRADITIONAL: parents use graded textbooks or workbooks-- they follow a schedule for 180 days of the school year.

2)CLASSICAL: children under 18 are taught using "the trivium" which has three parts:

*Stage 1: Grammar Stage: focus on reading, writing, spelling, LATIN, observing, listening, memorizing-- goal is to develop a general framework of knowledge, basic language arts and math skills.

*Stage 2: Dialectic Stage: starts around the age 8. children demonstrate independent, abstract thought. shaped by logic discussion, debate and learning to draw factual conclusions.

*Stage 3: Rhetoric Stage: final phase around age 15.seeks to produce a student who can speak and write eloquently and persuasively.

3) UNIT STUDY APPROACH: takes a theme or topic and learns all there is to know about it--integrates language arts, science, social studies, math and fine arts in a blend.

4) THE LIVING BOOKS APPROACH: based on the writings of Charlotte Mason--respecting children as persons, involving them in real-life situations, and encouraging well-written, intelligent books. no formal lessons for young children, just lots of time to play, reflect and create. once children at elementary age, encouraged to read the classics, travel books, historical biographies, art history.

5) THE PRINCIPLE APPROACH: uses Christian concepts. learning is based on principles-Individuality, Self-Government, Christian Character, Conscience. studies a lot of American history. emphasis on"reasoning through basic principles rather than regurgitating facts."

6) THE UNSCHOOLING APPROACH: letting children learn through their own desires and curiosities. generally unstructured. children pursue own interests with parental support and guidance. based on style by John Holt- his motto was "trust children".

7) THE MIXED APPROACH: a blend of the different approaches, adjusted for each child.

I tend to be a "take a little bit of everything" person. So, I was not surprised when I gravitated most toward the "Mixed Approach." I am doing about an hour of homeschooling with my daughter in the mornings during Soul-Baby's nap. She seems to really like/need variety. Sometimes we'll read, or work in an activity book. Sometimes we'll do flashcards for a little while. Other times, we'll bake and talk about the measurements: what comes first, whose cookie is biggest.

The other day, she seemed distracted, so we painted and played with play-doh. It seems important at this age (3 and 1/2) to just practice focused time together. It also seems important to her that I let her lead as we play, affirming that she has good ideas, and can interest me in her thoughts and questions.

I was encourged by this book, to keep at it, to stay flexible and to BE CREATIVE.

The following women were featured in the book:

Cherie Logan--mom of 10, author and speaker.

Lisa Odaffer--lives and homeschools on a 45-foot sailboat.

Gail Thomas-- focused on raising people who can build a life for themselves.

Donna Knox--midwife, mom of 9, particularly focused on helping homeschoolers avoid burnout.

Karen Gibson-- freelance writer, "unschooled" her teenager.

Debbie Hanson-- writes about her "hard-to-teach" child.

Lisa Hyman-Johnson-- mom of 2, former teacher.

I'll also include a list of websites:

Family Unschoolers Network www.unschooling.org

Eclectic Homeschool Online www.eho.org

Growing Without Schooling www.holtgws.com

Homeschool Digest www.homeschooldigest.com

Homeschooling Fun www.homeschoolfun.com

Homeschooling Today www.homeschoolingtoday.com

Natural Life www.life.ca/hs/index.html

Canadian Home-Based LEraning www.flora.org/homeschool-ca

I am amazed at the world that is opening for me as I research homeschooling. Homeschoolers are everywhere!

Serendipitous Garage Sale Find

2007-04-12T20:48:00.000-07:00

Last Saturday, on the way home from the community Easter egg hunt, I stopped at a Garage Sale. I'm not sure what prompted me to stop, on Easter weekend, of all times!

But I'm so pleased with what I found! It's a foldable table made of Maple Hardwood flooring, identical to our own. The owner made it for his son who was living in an itty-bitty basement suite. He used it as a kitchen table.

We have struggled to know how to create more counter space in our kitchen without redoing the whole thing or at least adding a labour-intensive island. I think we have found the solution! Alley and I made muffins tonight on our new foldable table. And it worked wonderfully.

A New Template

2007-04-12T15:32:00.000-07:00

I was having a lot of trouble with my old template. It was showing up differently between computers. So, I decided to start fresh! But again, I am having a hard time with my display. For some reason, the template wants to be long and skinny and won't let me add any page elements to the sidebar. Any suggestion?

Monastery on the Hill

2007-04-11T16:54:00.000-07:00

I woke up around 6:15 this morning to go for a walk with my mother-in-love who lives just down the street. As I stepped into the coolness of the morning, into the early wee-glimmer light, I heard the bells.

These pictures were taken this afternoon during the kid's nap. My husband works from home and graciously agreed to let me spend some time at the Abbey while the sun was still shining.

Endless Worlds

2007-04-09T13:07:00.000-07:00

The Public Library is one of my favorite places to be. The kids and I go at least once a week to return and borrow. It has become a journey through endless worlds, as though we are taking a trip together, wondering wide-eyed what we'll come across, what we'll discover.

During the past two months, I've started to borrow cookbooks. One of my favorites is called FROM A MONASTERY KITCHEN: The Classic Natural Foods Cookbook by Brother Victor-Antoine d' Avila-Latourrette.

It features recipes like :"Cloister Molasses-Apple Cake", "Epiphany Bread", "Benedictine Rhubarb and Raisin Pudding with Pentecost Cream" and other such shananagans. A thoughtful quote is printed at the bottom of each page. I have loved so many of the quotes that I thought I would write out some of the best.

" In the midst of winter, I realized that deep within me was an invincible summer." Albert Camus

"A brother who had been visiting with a hermit said, as he was taking his leave: "Forgive me, Father, for hampering you in keeping your rule." The hermit answered: "My rule is to welcome you with hospitality and to send you on your way in peace." An early desert father

"Our hope is that the winter of humanity will gradually be transformed to the bursting forth of love, for it is to this that we are called." Jean Vanier

"Fickleness and indecision are signs of self-love. If you can never make up your mind what God wills for you, but are always veering from one opinion to another...from one method to another, it may be an indication that you are trying to get around God's will and do your own with a quiet conscience. So keep still, and let God do some work." Thomas Merton

"Whatever else be lost among the years, let us keep Christmas still a shining thing." Grace N. Crowell

"To find is to seek Him unceasingly. Here, indeed, to seek is not one thing and to find another. The reward of the search is to go on searching. The soul's desire is fulfilled by the very fact of its remaining unsatisfied, for really to see God is never to have had one's fill of desiring him." Saint Gregory of Nyssa

"We shall not cease from exploration. And the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time." T.S Eliot

"If you wish to put in order the inner dwelling-place of your soul, prepare the material necessary so that the heavenly architect can begin his work. In order for the dwelling to be light, so that the light of heaven can come in, there must be windows, which are our five senses. The door of the abode is Christ...who guards both the dwelling and its inhabitants." Saint Seraphim of Sarov

"It all adds up to one thing: peace, silence, solitude. The world and its noise are out of sight and far away. Forest and fields, sun and wind and sky, earth and water, all speak the same silent language." Thomas Merton

"I believe that without the impetus of love, it is not possible to begin or continue any journey of the spirit. But love, too, must know its measure and its limitations." Sister Thekla

"If we had a keen vision and feeling of all ordinary human life, it would be like hearing the grass grow and the squirrel's heart beat and we should die of that roar which lies on the other side of silence." George Eliot

"Courage is an inner resolution to go forward despite obstacles; cowardice is submissive surrender to circumstances. Courage breeds creative self-affirmation; cowardice produces destructive self-abnegation. Courage faces fear and msters it; cowardice represses fear and is mastered by it. " Martin Luther King, Jr.

"God can bring summer out of winter, though we have no spring. All occasions invite his mercies, and all times are his seasons." John Donne

"The past must be abandoned to God's mercy, the present to our fidelity, and the future to divine providence." Saint Francis de Sales

"Don't think of God as a very stern judge and punisher. He is very merciful...We must not despair, for there is no sin that exceeds God's compassion. It is always the devil that brings despair; one must not listen to him." Letter from a Russian Monk

"Readings, vigils and prayer--these are the things that lend stability to the wandering mind." Evagrius Ponticus

"A person can show his religion as much in measuring onions as he can in singing 'Glory Hallelujah'." Shaker Brother

"He who sees things grow from the beginning will have the best view of them." Aristotle

"As I see it, we shall never succeed in knowing ourselves unless we seek to know God..." Saint Theresa of Avila

"Love God's young creation, love it as a whole and every grain of sand in it. Love every leaf, every ray of God. Love animals, love every plant and everything. If you love everything, the mystery of God will be revealed to you in things...And finally you will love the whole universe with a comprehensive, all-embracing love." Fyodor Dostoevsky

"I like the fact that 'listen' is an anagram of 'silent'. Silence is not something that is there before the music begins and after it stops. It is the essence of the music itself, the vital ingredient that makes it possible for the music to exist at all." Alfred Brendel

"Just as water when it is squeezed on all sides shoots up above, so does the soul when it is pressed hard by dangers often rise to God to be saved." Saint John Climacus

"Monks should practice zeal with ardent love. They should anticipate one another in honor, most patiently endure one another's infirmities, whether of body or soul. Let them try to outdo eachother in obedience. Let no one do what is best for himself, but rather what is best for another." The Holy Rule of Saint Benedict

***Our family lives just down the hill from a gorgeous Benedictine Monastery. On clear, early mornings, we can hear the bells from the tower. I have always been drawn to the gentle peace and quiet of monastery grounds. Living near one is an immense gift.

The brothers are loving and welcoming. And they are accepting of children. When I was pregnant with Solomon, Alley and I would have picnics in front of "Saint Mary Lake."

I have a three-part series of pictures of her eating a banana during a sunny afternoon. In the first, she is holding a peeled banana. The second picture shows her taking an enormous, full-faced bite and the third is a wide-eyed, full-cheeked Alley with small squished pieces of banana on her chin. I hold wonderful memories from that summer with her.

When the weather allows, I take walks up the hill. I rest awhile in the light reflecting through multi-colored stained glass windows, and I breathe slowly in the silence. The fountain in the foyer tinkles in the distance like garden-party wine glasses.

I guess it is the monk in me. The "monk" in the mama, that draws me there.

When I next venture up the hill, I will take a few pictures to share.

Simple Goodness

2007-04-06T07:10:00.000-07:00

The smallest, toddling man in our family has learned to walked. He took his first step on March 22nd, the day of his Uncle Jack's birthday. His large, cloth-diapered bum waddles back and forth. It seems the momentum is what knocks him down. I've wondered if I should try some light-weight disposables on him for a few days to see if it helps. But the waddle is too cute!

At this time last year, I was extremely pregnant. Twinges of pain were shooting down my legs. I was sleeping very little at night, wanting to sleep all day. I was very eager to go into labour.

We had joined some dear friends for Easter Dinner and I was sure I would go into labour by the end of the evening! But, it dragged on into the next day. And on the evening of April 17th, the day after, I went into labour. Soul-Baby was born just after 2 am on April 18th.

It has been a full year already. A full year of loving this small human who has changed our life. As I see green-stimmed daffodils flinging out their vibrant yellow trumpets, I remember seeing them the morning after giving birth and being amazed at their boldness, at the way they beckon spring.

Last night, we drove to the public library together. My husband shuffled through CD's with Soul-Baby while I helped Alley pick out books and a couple of children's DVD's. For some reason, the combination of simple goodness made my heart literally throb. It felt bursting with love and thankfulness. When we got in the car, I said: "My heart expands near to bursting multiple times a day. I love this time in our life." And we felt thankful and humbled at the simple gifts we've been given, quieted by the fleeting fragility of these days and moments.

It seems appropriate as Easter draws near, to take some moments to give thanks for what has been born in our life, making room for new mercies every morning.

I've been thinking...

2007-04-02T20:14:00.000-07:00

I had a fun surprise this morning. Andrea at The Flourishing Mother has tagged me for the Thinking Blogger Award. This means that I get to:

1.) Say a hearty "thank you" to Andrea and encourage others to visit her site for some delightful reads.

2.) Choose 5 blogs that I think deserve the award.

It will be a challenge to narrow it down!

The participation rules are simple:
1.) If, and only if, you get tagged, write a post with links to 5 blogs that make you think.

2.) Link to this post so that people can easily find the exact origin of the meme.

3.) Optional: Proudly display the 'Thinking Blogger Award' with a link to the post that you wrote.

So here are five blogs that I thoroughly enjoy visiting on a regular basis. They each "get me thinking" in different ways:

1) INTRICATE SIMPLICITY: a journey into the intriguing life, experiences and thoughts of Rach, a talented New Zealander and homeschooling mama of eight! I have thoroughly enjoyed reading what she is up to, and she is always up to something! She always has great books, gardening projects, and knitting creations on the go, and still manages to sleep. Inspiring woman!

2) FIGHTING CANCER WITH POETRY: a delightful blog by my real life friend , the "Merry Potter". She has recently completed intensive chemotherapy and radiation treatment for Stage IV Large B Cell Lymphoma. Her friends and family have been amazed and inspired by her strength of character through it all. She is an excellent and whimsical writer/poet who I am thrilled is in the blog world. She has always made me think, in real AND blog-life, and is full of fresh ways of seeing the world.

3) CONNECTED AT THE ROOTS: a reflective space where Brynn, mom of 2 very cute sons, writes about everday blessings, education, parenting, sustainability and whatever else comes to her mind. She has created an inviting, thought-provoking space. She and her husband recently gave their 3-year-old a camera and have kept a chronicle of his "perspective" in a space called "E-man's eyes". She has a post here, with some of his first attempts.

4) SILENCE COMES TO HEAL THE BLOWS OF SOUND: an open, poetic space where my real life friend Tamie weaves stories and prayers and poems. She writes about becoming human and shares stories from her Pilgrimage in Spain. She has always inspired and intrigued me in real and blog-life. Since we live many miles apart, I appreciate the chance to have glimpses into her world more regularly. As I was writing this post, I visited her site and realized she just received the "Thinking Blogger Award" from another! But I couldn't resist giving her two. Why not? She deserves another.

5) SCRATCHINGS OF A CHURCHMOUSE: a wonderful scurrying place where Cheryl records her thoughts and reflections. She grew up in Holland and came to Canada for University where we became friends. She and her husband recently became Orthodox and she writes about their journey of spiritual learning and snippets of life, in general. They recently gave birth to a son and spend more of their blogging time at their family site The Kumquat and We. Cheryl is a truly delightful person and conversations with her have always put me in a thinking space.

And those are my 5! Enjoy.

From the Darkness

2007-03-31T19:34:00.000-07:00

When from the darkness comes no light,

when from the weeping comes no laughter;

when in the day we hope for night

nor any comfort coming after:

grant us your peace.

When in our confidence our fear

clutch at the heart and make us tremble;

when in our joy we weep cold tears,

and in our frankness we dissemble:

grant us your light.

When in our love there is no care,

and in our yearning we are dullness;

when what we know we cannot dare,

and we are nothing that is fullness:

grant us your truth.

(Brendan McLaughlin(1971)

My mother-in-love and I attended Lenten Vespers together. The Abendmusik Vespers Choir from Vancouver performed it at a Reformed church nearby. We had no idea we would witness such beauty. The inner-sanctuary of the church was constructed to be acoustically superb; we were amazed at the perfectly held and reflected sound, the clear precision of each choral note.

The song above, When From the Darkness, was my favorite. Hearing it, reminded me of why I love the seasons of Lent and Advent and why the traditional, liturgical calendar brings me such solace.

I was raised in a variety of Christian churches, all with very little liturgy or tradition. In many ways, I am thankful for the variety of Christian expression that I was exposed to. But in other ways I felt overwhelmed by the options and entered University with a lot of confusion about how to "choose" a church away from home.

Somehow in the midst of it all, I absorbed the message that Christians should be happy and good-looking and energetic, and should have easy answers for the heartaches and struggles of the world. They might experience challenge, but should stand up tall and "get over it", because Christ brings joy, and true Christians should FEEL joy. When I experienced sadness or melancholy, it seemed contrary to the part of Christianity I knew and I felt a sense of urgency to regain contentment, to once again feel happy.

I have realized this is only half of the Christian experience. Christ does bring joy. Having a sense of contentment and faith inside does impact one's outer beauty and brings energy and meaning. But true joy often comes only after deep sadness and heartache. And true depth and authenticity comes from sitting still with that sadness, letting the melancholy sink in. And when it has done it's work, letting it move out to a wider place, where there is room again for joy.

I began to accept that Christianity can encompass all the seasons of a person's life. Faith remains as relevant in Winter as in Summer and Spring. I had a hunger to be part of an expression of Christianity that expressed in symbolic form, the whole range of human emotion.

In the end, I chose an Anglican Church. Or perhaps, it chose me.

We have been attending an Anglican church for 6 years now. The repetition and constancy of the liturgical calendar has spiralled into our life more deeply each year. It has not become tiresome and old; it has become a quieting stability in my life. I have come to love the season of Lent. It is a 40-day season of preparation and spiritual renewal beginning on Ash Wednesday and ending on Holy Saturday, the night before Easter. And it is a time to embrace sadness and heartache, to find quiet space in which to sit and rest, to be still.

Lent allows us to feel depression, and melancholy, just because, without simple answers. It recognizes the bigness of God, but allows one to feel alone, to acknowledge that aloneness is okay. It is a hovering place, a holding room, a quiet space before the relief and renewal of Easter.

After a long 40-day period of mindfulness and preparation, Easter morning feels like the first day of creation!

I am resting tonight in the hovering space, walking through this final week of preparation. And before I sleep, I will read the lyrics of another song from Lenten Vespers called Close Now Thine Eyes:

Close now thine eyes and rest secure,

thy soul is safe enough, they body sure.

He that loves thee,

He that keeps and guards thee never slumbers, never sleeps.

The smiling conscience in a sleeping breast has only peace, has only rest;

The music and the mirth of kings are all but very discords when she sings.

Then close thine eyes.

Close now thine eyes and rest secure,

no sleep so sweet as thine,

no rest so sure.

(Francis Quarles)

Last of Winter

2007-03-26T06:58:00.000-07:00

The morning is cold and still. There is a hovering promise of sunshine in the air.

On Saturday night, the sunset was a deep magenta with swirling and shadowy wisps of cloud streaked across the palette of sky. "Red sky at night, sailor's delight," I whispered to myself, and closed my eyes with a silent prayer for sun.

I awoke at 4 am to feed Soul-Baby and couldn't fall back to sleep. I read and caught up on letters, watched a documentary online called "The Great Global Warming Swindle" (a counter to Al Gore's "An Inconvienient Truth"). Around 7 am, sharp rays of sunlight pierced through and around my curtains and filled our home with a golden hue. I stayed alive and attentive to sun throughout the day, the entire day! Glorious. Clear blue skies, gleaming green fields; it was almost too much for my eyes to take in. The world became colour again. And this morning looks like it will be the same.

We spent most of yesterday with some amazing families who came together to celebrate the baptisms of two new baby girls, born to sisters, within two months of eachother. Four of the mothers and I are part of a mom's group. My husband and I attend an Anglican church, but the other mothers in the group are Catholic. The Catholic tradition is to have a special Baptism ceremony separate from the regular church service, for family and friends.

The ceremony was beautiful and attended by many. Afterwards, we gathered at their home for a reception. It was a bustling flurry of children, nursing babies, tinkling wine glasses and lively conversation. We thoroughly enjoyed ourselves.

The selection of gourmet foods was astounding. My favorite dessert was the super RICH chocolate torte(?) fudge cake(?)... something spectacularly chocolate and RICH (did I mention RICH?). It was topped with crushed pistachio nuts. wow-ee. And my favorite Hor'derve was warmed Brie, covered in hunny and flaked almonds on crunchy slices of baquette.

After we arrived home at 5 pm, my husband crawled in bed for a nap, chubby soul-baby laid down for a nap and my Alley-oop and I cuddled up with a wool blanket to watch PollyAnna. It was a wonderful end to the weekend.

(photo:www.flickr.com/xanadusoul)

Do It Anyway

2007-03-23T15:35:00.000-07:00

Just this week, we put a new radio into our PRADO. When we bought it, the original (stock) car stereo was shot. So we've driven the last couple of months with only CBC 693 am to listen to. I have actually really enjoyed it, because I rarely choose talk radio over music. But now, I am enjoying the variety once again.

There are two songs this week that have wriggled inside my mind. Their poignant lyrics continue to swirl around me even as I write. I find them especially uplifting during this very LONG rainy stretch we are experiencing. We've had almost two weeks straight of dark, indoor, drippy-ness around these parts. Spring *does* come every year, right? I need to believe it does. Sometimes around mid-March (NOW!) I forget that seasons *do* indeed change.

Do it Anyway: Martina McBride

You can spend your whole life building something from nothing
One storm can come and blow it all away

Build it anyway

You can chase a dream that seems so out of reach
and you know it might not ever come your way

Dream it anyway

God is great, but sometimes life ain’t good
And when I pray it doesn’t always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway, I do it anyway

This world’s gone crazy and it’s hard to believe

that tomorrow will be better than today

Believe it anyway

You can love someone with all your heart,
for all the right reasons,
and in a moment they can choose to walk away

Love ‘em anyway

God is great, but sometimes life ain’t good
And when I pray it doesn’t always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway, I do it anyway

You can pour your soul out singing a song you believe in
that tomorrow they’ll forget you ever sang
Sing it anyway, sing it anyway

I sing, I dream, I love, anyway

Ordinary Miracle: Sarah Mclachlan

It’s not that unusual

When everything is beautiful

It’s just another ordinary miracle today

The sky knows when its time to snow

Don’t need to teach a seed to grow

It’s just another ordinary miracle today

Life is like a gift they say

Wrapped up for you everyday

Open up and find a way

To give some of your own

Isn’t it remarkable?

Like every time a rain drop falls

It’s just another ordinary miracle today

Birds and winter have their fling

But always make it home by spring

It’s just another ordinary miracle today

When you wake up everyday

Please don’t throw your dreams away

Hold them close to your heart

Cause we’re all a part

Of the ordinary miracle

Ordinary miracle

Do you want to see a miracle?

It seems so exceptional

That things just work out after all

It’s just another ordinary miracle today

Sun comes up and shines so bright

And disappears again at night

It’s just another ordinary miracle today

Hippo Teeth

2007-03-22T21:06:00.000-07:00

Homeschooling Homes: May I Peek Inside?

2007-03-20T14:14:00.000-07:00

I've just settled in with a steaming mug of Medium Roast Cafe Mbeya, Fair Trade Organic Tanzanian Coffee from Level Ground Trading LTD. My nose tingles with the aroma of a fresh homemade brew and I relish this moment of quiet.

Earlier this week, I joined our local Homeschooling Association for a home tour. My husband and I have decided to homeschool and because I feel nervous about the decision and inadequate for the task, I've started to attend monthly homeschool meetings to observe successful homeschooling families and to learn some ideas and tips for starting. I have enjoyed it immensely and have been challenged and inspired by the other men and women in the group. There are over 100 of us.

During the home tour, we took a peek inside the inner workings of four homes over a two hour period. The idea was to give us a chance to see how other families create a space for homeschooling. We were free to ask any questions and to hear about preferred curriculum.

The first woman received us at the door with a warm smile and then quickly stepped back and out of the way so we didn't collide with her nine-month pregnant belly. She looked to be in her mid to late-30's and was carrying her 8th baby. She and her husband own a farm and greenhouse on their property and work out of their home. She homeschools six of their children, since number seven is just two years old.

Their upstairs consisted of a family/music room, office, play room, kitchen, bathroom, master bedroom and school room. They recently renovated the basement to accomodate three bedrooms for the children. They have three computers divided between the office and school room. And their kitchen table was at least ten feet long. Unbelievable. Her home was well-organized and tidy and seemed to run like a well-oiled machine.

The school room had four old-fashioned, wooden school desks in a line and two more chairs at a table toward the back of the room. She had crafts and booklets and projects hanging from the ceiling like mobiles. In front of the school desks was a large office desk where she sits and teaches and marks. Behind her desk was a chalkboard and large white board. She uses a lot of Amish curriculum called Rod and Staff. And characterizes herself as someone who needs a lot of lists and schedules.

The second home we visited was more of a "loose style" of homeschooling. As we entered, I noticed two full drum sets, a set of bongo drums, a guitar and a tambourine. A LONG piece of paper (actually a BUNCH of papers taped together) lined the space between the top of the wall and the ceiling, like a wall-paper border. On it, were various pictures and dates to comprise a time line from the beginning of creation (in Genesis) until our present time. I thought this was a great idea!

The main school "room" was just off the kitchen in a nook or dining room area. They installed floor-to-ceiling book cases that hold different folders, readers, curriculum, magazines and books. The mom had a large desk and her four kids had small, old-fashioned school desks nearby. She also uses Rod and Staff Curriculum as well as Sonlight.

The third family converted their entire basement suite into a school area. The suite's kitchen was a storage area for craft supplies, toys and science project materials. In the center of the main room was a large round table and around it were bookshelves and display cases and a large desk with a computer. This family has two kids with the youngest one just three years old. She seemed very organized and her 6 year-old-son's projects looked nearly perfect, as though an adult had completed them. I suppose that is part of having only one child to focus on at a time.

This woman LOVES science projects and stumbled upon a great resource for ideas called :Lentil Science. The whole idea behind Lentil Science is the importance of using simple, everyday objects to teach science whenever possible. They teach children to calibrate a container using a scoop, pen and tape, and bowl of lentils, how to weigh a certain amount of lentils and other simple scientific experiments.

I enjoyed seeing how much she loved what she was doing and got excited about each new project of the day. She used to be a school teacher and consultant for Creative Memories Scrapbooking and seems to incorporate these areas of expertise (and creativity) into her homeschooling.

The final home on our tour was owned by a single mom in her 40's who is homeschooling her 13- year-old for the first time. Her daughter was having difficulty in school and expressed a desire to be homeschooled, so they decided to give it a try. She reads a lot of books and since she wants to be a veterinarian, they focus on curriculum and stories that involve animals.

They have a large home and since it is the two of them, they are able to spread out and study whereever they want to. The downstairs suite has a computer and TV that they use for multimedia curriculum, and the upstairs has an extra room and bathroom that they've converted into a school room with a large, cushioney reading chair and a tidy desk for writing.

For most of our time at the last house, we discussed a curriculum called Character Studies which sounds really interesting. She pulled out samples that she is using with her daughter and I jotted down some information that I want to research over the next months as I decide on the curriculum to use.

I really enjoyed the chance to take a look at what works for other like-minded families. I am excited to craft a vibrant educational space for our family over the summer.

Just For Fun

2007-03-18T22:28:00.000-07:00

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From a Lump of Clay

2007-03-15T09:21:00.000-07:00

"But now, O Lord, You are our Father, We are the clay, and You our potter; And all we are the work of your hand."

(Isaiah 64:8)

"Does not the Potter have power over the clay...?"

(Romans 9:21a)

On Tuesday nights from 7-10 pm, after the wee ones are in bed, I drive to Matsqui prairie to take pottery lessons from Herman Venema of "Venema Pottery." He and his wife own a gorgeous property off Harris Road with a renovated farm house and immaculate, artistically-landscaped gardens.

Originally from Holland, Herman is a hardworking Dutchman, with an "I can figure out anything you throw my way" air about him. He seems to know a little bit about everything, and though his teaching style is blunt and gruff, he still manages to be extremely supportive and kind, asking questions that convey a sense of care about each student and an awareness of what's important to them.

Herman has worked with clay for over 25 years. He loves what he does and is a true master of the art. His style is simple, precise and earthy and he seems to find great spiritual significance and solace in what he does.

A Pottery lesson usually lasts 3 hours. For the first hour, Herman trims what he threw the previous week and then demonstrates a new throwing technique. We are then free to create on our own, asking questions along the way. He's not too strict about the time we finish and clean up; the last one out for the night, turns off the light and heat. His studio is open every week night for practice time, which I love. It reminds me of learning an instrument. If I only practice during the weekly lesson time, progress is very slow. But if I practice all week, doing the same new thing again and again, I can more completely build onto my foundation of understanding and move closer to mastery.

I first learned how to throw from my quirky highschool art teacher Mr. Gillis. He used to call me "K.C. and the Sunshine Band." Shortly after I completed my first piece on the wheel, I dreamed about it all night long. I remember the sense of power I had after watching a lump of clay turn into a mug, a plate, an obscure sculpture-like vessel with a chunky lid. I was addicted. And I was overwhelmed with metaphor.

Clay is hunted down and collected from the earth. (He brought me out of the horrible pit, Out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my steps (Psalm 40:2) It is purified and filtered to eradicate uneven textures, and to prepare it for the potter. Force is required to first cut and wedge the clay, to pound it into a ball and to throw it against the bat so it sticks in place. The single most important step in throwinga vessel is properly centering the clay. This takes time and strength and control. The lump of clay must yield and spin to a column, curve down into a low, even beehive shape, spiral back up to a column, and then lean over to mix and surrender once again to a low, centered mound. To do this requires unrelenting pressure from the potter and modability from the clay.

And every creation is different. Even with the same amount of clay and vision, there are no two hand-thrown vessels exactly alike. And if the clay is overworked, too dry, too wet, rushed or poorly centered, it will fold back into a formless mass to be reclaimed. ANY clay can be reclaimed, some lumps just take longer to rework and to once again pound into a fresh ball, ready for recreation.

I am grateful for this chance to create with clay and to revisit an old love. It brings me joy and peace and is another tangible reminder of the moldability of my clay-self and clay-soul, lovingly centered by a strong potter who recreates me daily with passionate vision and unrelenting love.

(photo from Vijaya Morrison at Rainforest Pottery, where I was first reacquainted 3 years ago)

A Little Sunshine Everyday

2007-03-13T14:22:00.000-07:00

The weather in this part of British Columbia is unruly and unpredictable! A few days ago, I was sporting a tank top as I loaded up the Landcruiser to take my kids and their friend Ava for a day at Heritage Park. Sunday and Monday brought POURING rain, so much that major intersections throughout the lower mainland were flooded, traffic detoured in all directions. And today is drab and dreary-feeling, the sky gray with a hovering breeze, just enough to create an eery silence and chill.

On days like today, I turn on my brightest light in the kitchen, light a few candles and crank up Bob Marley. I open all the curtains, dress in bright colours, and light frakincense and myrhh to enliven the stale air with a warm-spicy aroma. Baking something yummy first thing in the morning helps. I've been enjoying the Blueberry Bounty Buns from the cookbook Vive Le Vegan! Even though we are not Vegan, I enjoy cooking a lot of Vegan/Vegetarian meals. And since my husband is extremely allergic to Dairy, I find a lot of great recipes from these sources.

Thankfully, my daughter loves rainy days. We spend time cuddled up with books in the morning until the embracing heat from our woodstove rises through the floorboards and warms our toes. She loves to have a rainy day tea party, dance to music, help me with indoor household tasks. In general, she has a very sunny personality and thinks everything is a party. I really believe God knew I needed her in my life; she is my sunshine on these dreary coastal days.

(photo: www.flickr.com:Ester76)

Where does the time go?

2007-03-11T07:29:00.000-07:00

It's been too long since I added a post. And for the life of me, I can't figure out where the days have gone. I woke up with Mastitis two mornings ago and have been feeling pretty crummy, but in many ways, that is no excuse, because writing usually makes me feel better. Our two little ones got ear infections and have not been their jolly selves. We've had a couple of sunny days that have pulled us outside, the laundry had been backed up and my husband helped me do load after load this week, visitors have made their way into our home and to our table, which has been a great blessing. I guess it's all just *life*. And suddenly, days pass in a flash and I realize this hard truth when I see the date at the top of my past post.

I am organizing a Blessingway today for my good friend and the midwife for my first child. She is having her third child, after experiencing a sorrowful miscarriage. A friend of mine organized one for me before Soul-baby's birth and I was immensely encouraged as I walked forward into the experience of birth once again. I hope my friend feels similarly encouraged today.

Last night, my husband made dinner (yummy tostadas) and we watched a documentary on Bob Dylan called No Direction Home, that we borrowed from our local library. It was a wild glimpse into the young life of an incredible poet and lyricist. He was a quirky individual with a lot of heart. I especially enjoyed the interviews with Joan Baez and others who knew him intimately. For Bob Dylan fans such as I, this is a "must see".

I guess I'm full of random "catching-up" thoughts this morning, hoping to get back on track. Part of the reason I love to blog is that it is a discipline to write regularly and this is something I long to grow in. It reveals my priorities in black-n-white. And as I visit other blogs, I am encouraged when I see busy moms keeping up with the part of blogging that balances their days and their souls. SO, keep visiting! I will bring out some fresh topics in the near future. And as always, feel free to comment as it encourages me when I know my words are being read.

From The Mouth Of Children

2007-03-03T10:28:00.000-08:00

Earlier this week, my husband and I received this write-up from his grandmother. She is a vibrant, 80-something matriach who blesses us immensely and sends glimpses of light our way. I was touched by these answers. And reminded of the nuances required in loving another.

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds,

"What does love mean?"

_____"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love."Rebecca- age 8
_____"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth."Billy - age 4
_____"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other."Karl - age 5
_____"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs."Chrissy - age 6
_____"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired."Terri - age 4
_____"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK."Danny - age 7
_____"Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss"Emily - age 8
_____"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen."Bob by - age 7
_____"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,"Nikka - age 6
_____"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday."Noelle - age 7
_____"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well."Tommy - age 6
_____"Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken."Elaine-age 5
_____"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford."Chris - age 7
_____"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day."Mary Ann - age 4
_____"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones."Lauren - age 4
_____"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you."Karen - age 7
_____"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget."Jessica - age 8
_____And the final one --

Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge. The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child. The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife.
Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said, "Nothing, I just helped him cry."

Magical Moments of Make Believe

2007-03-02T08:48:00.000-08:00

My daughter is 3 and 1/2 and full of intense energy. She wakes up jabbering about what she will do during the day, asking me what I am doing, looking around for anything that has changed in the house while she slept. Yesterday, I had shifted a chair into a slightly different spot so I could do Yoga. The moment she woke up, she tilted her head and asked "Hey! Why is that chair there?" She notices everything! This also means that she remembers everything I say, and holds me to it. I have to be ultra careful with what I suggest or promise, because to her, it's set in stone and WILL definitely happen, post haste! I have grown to love this as it forces me to say what I mean, and act on what I have promised. Her full name means "truth", and we have discovered how appropriate this is to her discerning, inquisitive and detailed-oriented personality.

We have decided to help her funnel her intensity into creative play as much as we can. In many ways, she develops her own play and it naturally overflows from the changes in her age-appropriate development, ideas from friends, and the expansion of her fertile mind. But I make a point to carve out specific time each morning for adventurous, creative play.

From the beginning, my husband and I decided to have no more toys than would fit into a medium-sized Tupperware Tote. We have gone beyond that somewhat with larger items like Alley's small, wooden highchair for her doll, a rocking horse, and one of those bead maze things with loopy pieces that you slide the bead over. And beyond the toy box, we have a Costume box and a Puppet box.

I find the greatest costumes at the MCC thrift store in our town and Value Village in an adjoining town. So far, we have a monkey, lion, tiger, ladybug, princess, caterpiller, angel, fairy, hawaiian hoola girl (grass skirt and funky floral dress) , doctor bag, and various little scarves and purses and high-heeled shoes. I have so much fun watching her merge into character, and I play along. She often wants me to call her "dentist", or "ballerina", "doctor" for an hour or so as she glides around the house and listens to my elbow or stomach with the stethoscope. Actually, after a recent trip to the doctor, she now listens in all the right places.

We've gotten into the habit of going to the library once a week to pick out new books together. This week, I picked out one called Wishes for You by Tobi Tobias. It is a heartwarming reflection of a parent's hopes for her child. And beyond a deep yearning that my children know and love God above anyone and anything, these reflections hae become almost a prayer for me:

*I hope you will have moments when you're so happy, you'll feel the sun is shining from inside you.

*I hope you will have the strength and spirit to deal with bad things when they come your way.

*I hope you will be lucky.

*I hope you will always be curious.

*I hope you will never forget how to be silly.

* I hope you and I will have adventures together--just the two of us.

* I hope you will love to read.

* I hope you will learn to make things with your own hands.

* I hope you will want to make your body strong and quick and beautiful--and enjoy the way that feels.

*I hope you will love one special person more than anyone of anything in the whole world.

* I hope that, one day when you're grown up, you will have a child--different from you, but just as wonderful.

* I hope you will love being alone sometimes.

*I hope you will know what you think and feel and not let other people tell you.

* I hope you will be able to tell your favorite people the secrets of your heart.

* I hope you will always be part of a family.

* I hope you will always remember me and know how much I love you.

Sometimes after the kids are in bed, I tiptoe into their room and say over them the things I hope they will have and will experience in their lives. Remembering specific hopes like the ones above, gives me strength for each day I have as guardian of these precious large-souled children.

(photo: www.flickr.com)

Feeling Hopeful

2007-02-27T11:05:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I receive forwards and links that bring a surprising amount of joy into my life. When I first clicked into a YouTube video link called "Free Hugs", I wasn't sure what I would find. But suddenly, I found my heart expanding with a sense of goodness and hope as I watched barriers between strangers soften and dissolve. I had the same poignant feeling about a year ago when I bought (for my daughter) the DVD set of the first season of Little House on the Prairie. I hadn't watched it in years and we promptly sat down and watched 4 episodes in a row.

Observing the purity and love of the Ingalls family, their close-to-Earth lifestyle, and fierce familial loyalty literally warmed me from the inside out.

Another link I recently discovered through my friend Meghan is for the upcoming film Pregnant in America. There's an interiew with Ina May Gaskin (author of Spiritual Midwifery)and it looks like it will be an intriguing inside look into the over-mechanized, hospital-based, birthing "industry". It focuses particularly on the US medical field, but relates to some of what is also happening in Canada.

I feel hopeful when I glimpse efforts toward reclaiming humanity to live as we were created to live.

(photos: www.flickr.com)

Lenten Beginning

2007-02-26T10:03:00.001-08:00

Ash-Wednesday
by T S Eliot

I).
Because I do not hope to turn again
Because I do not hope
Because I do not hope to turn
Desiring this man's gift and that man's scope
I no longer strive to strive towards such things
(Why should the aged eagle stretch its wings?)
Why should I mourn
The vanished power of the usual reign?

Because I do not hope to know again
The infirm glory of the positive hour
Because I do not think
Because I know I shall not know
The one veritable transitory power
Because I cannot drink
There, where trees flower, and springs flow,
for there is nothing again

Because I know that time is always time
And place is always and only place
And what is actual is actual only for one time
And only for one place
I rejoice that things are as they are and
I renounce the blessed face
And renounce the voice
Because I cannot hope to turn again
Consequently I rejoice, having to construct something
Upon which to rejoice

And pray to God to have mercy upon us
And pray that I may forget
These matters that with myself I too much discuss
Too much explain
Because I do not hope to turn again
Let these words answer
For what is done, not to be done again
May the judgement not be too heavy upon us

Because these wings are no longer wings to fly
But merely vans to beat the air
The air which is now thoroughly small and dry
Smaller and dryer than the will
Teach us to care and not to care
Teach us to sit still.

Pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death
Pray for us now and at the hour of our death.
******************************************************

And this morning, while I was cleaning off my desk, I came across a quote I had cut out a few months ago. It was a gentle reminder to me today, of what Lent is about.

"We must not think that our love has to be extraordinary. But we do need to love without getting tired. How does a lamp burn? Through the continuous input of small drops of oil. These drops are the small things of daily life: faithfulness, small words of kindness, a thought for others, our way of being quiet, of looking, of speaking, and of acting. They are the true drops of love that keep our lives and relationships burning like a lively flame."

---Mother Teresa

(photo: flickr:papabear1949)

Our Cherished Ones

2007-02-25T20:11:00.000-08:00

This is one of my favorite shots of Soul-Baby and Alley-oop. It was taken on the back porch of my parent's desert home in Tucson, Arizona.

I love how they are heartwarmingly loving and affectionate with one another. I told my husband this morning, that sweet Alley reminds me of a sheep dog. She is always concerned with Soul-Baby's needs and she circles round him, protecting and moving him along, connecting him to what we are doing. Whenever I offer her a snack or to read her a book, she looks up with wide eyes and asks "What about Soulie, Mama? Can he have one too, can he come with us?" And Soul-Baby loves his big sister and watches her every move. I've nearly dropped him because of the force with which he whirls his head around to follow his sister as she dances or skips from room to room.

The other day as we were eating lunch, Alley looked up and asked, "How long can we keep Soulie, mama?" My eyes immediately stung with tears as I explained that he is a FOREVER gift to us, that he is a part of our family FOREVER. I was amazed by how fiercely I wanted to say the word FOREVER again and again. I was overwhelmed with love for this little angel in our life, who asks the questions that remind me of my essence, my priorities, my desire to live out FOREVER vows with my husband and my family.

Our New Addition

2007-02-23T15:49:00.000-08:00

In an earlier post, I wrote about our car situation, how we've driven our 1985 volvo station wagon into the ground. It has been a long year of waiting and searching and saving up money to buy a car that would be safe and reliable but would also fit our outdoor-loving and large-family aspiring selves.

This is a fantastic automobile! It's a Toyota Landcruiser PRADO. It's diesel, 4-wheel drive, has adjustable shocks/under clearance for rocky terrain, fog lights, a roof rack with clamps to hold skis and big enough to carry Diesel tanks for long off-roading trips. And the clincher for us: it seats 8! Although we are a family of 4 right now, we would love to add to this number in the future. And we are excited that this can accomodate that desire. ALSO, we can carpool with friends and family more easily. I find it funny when I want to head to the beach with a friend and we end up driving the trek in our separate cars. Now we can fit, kids and all.

As far as I know, PRADOs are not available in the states. They are made and sold in Japan and Canadians have found a way to import and resell them in Canada. This makes for some interesting aspects. All imports are "right-hand drive" and the instructions on the mirror, glovebox and control panel are in Japanese. It trips other drivers out to see the steering wheel on the opposite side and we get a lot of "double takes." But I love the right-hand drive! I can sense that I am more conscientious with my driving, because it feels so different. The new perspective heightens my awareness.

A great website to check out is www.japanoid.com . It's full of pictures of funky-looking Japanese imports that are now available in Canada.

Come visit us and we'll take you for a ride--

Growth Toward Green

2007-02-08T20:48:00.000-08:00

For a few months now, I have considered "compacting" along with a growing number of families who desire a simple, "calm-pact" life. The Compact has several aims more or less prioritized below:

"To go beyond recycling in trying to counteract the negative global environmental and socioeconomic impacts of disposable consumer culture and to support local businesses, farms, etc. -- a step that, we hope, inherits the revolutionary impulse of the Mayflower Compact.

To reduce clutter and waste in our homes (as in trash Compact-or).

To simplify our lives (as in Calm-pact)."

There are many ways to do this and I thought I would list a few of the things I am doing and would like to WORK on doing more consistently.

***I use cloth diapers & cloth wipes. I (in the summer/spring) hang them outdoors to dry. During the winter, I try to hang them indoors near the wood stove on a drying rack.

***I use cloth or reusable bags when I grocery shop.

***We heat our home with a wood stove instead of electric heat. When we need to use electric heat, we turn down the thermostats at night.

***I sometimes (would like to more often) cook and boil water on our wood-burning stove.

***I often bring a coffee thermos or mug when I go out for coffee or try to avoid a "to-go" cup by relaxing and enjoying my brew in a cafe mug.

*** I buy many things bulk and store them in large glass jars at home: peanut butter, oats, flour, rice, nuts, honey, syrup, baking supplies, dried fruit, beans, pasta...

*** I buy very little *new*. I have a running list of "needs" and some "wants" in my purse and I peruse local thrift shops and consignment stores once a week. Besides food, I find MOST
everything in great condition at used-stores for a fraction of the cost and waste. And I have a
blast! It's a treasure hunt everytime. I have learned it is easy to still over-buy in thrift stores,
so I set a limit on the amount I budget.

*** My husband and I read (and own) a fantastic book called Clean House, Clean Planet:Clean your House for Pennies a Day, the safe, non-toxic way. by Karen Logan. We are in the process of changing all of our cleaners to homemade, non-toxic combinations. The book is full of simple recipes for great-smelling products that clean just as well, if not better.

*** We have grown a decent-sized garden for the past 3 years. We would like to do it entirely organic but in the past have done about 80% organic.

*** I'd like to get a baby seat for my bike and bike around town more often.

*** I try to buy organic or at least locally grown. We are at about 80% organic. There is a great link to "the dirty dozen" that I found through a blog I enjoy. Reading this list has encouraged me to *always* buy organic for certain things.

This is a major focus in my life right now. I will revisit this topic often. In the meantime, I will share what I am learning and would love comments about tips and topics along these lines. Feel free to comment, in fact, please do!

(photo: www.flickr.com)

Discipline

2007-02-05T21:34:00.000-08:00

My husband and I have worked into our family routine a monthly day of solitude for one another. The first Saturday of the month, I enjoy a mother's sabbath during which I spend the day alone, doing whatever will bring me rest and refreshment for the weeks ahead. And on the third Saturday of the month, my husband is free to do the same with a father's sabbath. This month for his day, he spent 8 hours at an urban retreat center. And for my day, I enjoyed journaling and sipping a frothy latte at a local coffee shop for the morning, a drive across the valley singing to Tori Amos at the top of my lungs and a leisurely peruse of my favorite thrift shops for the afternoon. We both returned home from our solitude with renewed vigour. The parent at home likewise enjoyed a special unstructured day with the kids.

While I was at the coffee shop, I settled in beside a wall hanging of the Desiderata, meaning "things to be desired (Latin)". One of my favorite lines in this reflection is: "Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. " On many levels, this sums up my present focus. There are many areas of our life where we are stiving for wholesome (self) discipline and in the midst of the striving, we want to be gentle, to hold the changes with nurturing hands, knowing that small choices toward change will require larger choices toward change down the road.

In mid- January, my husband transitioned from a stressful, and largely unfulfilling 9-5 job to start a business from home. We have spent the last month working together to establish new patterns for our days together. He has an office downstairs he does most of his work from. And he takes 3 breaks a day, lingering to wrestle with the kids in the few minutes between.

With him at home, I feel more "at work" at home and find I am more efficient with my time. His need for consistent breaks (and FOOD) creates a rhythm for my day. And since we share a car, and he no longer needs it to commute, I have a more organized week of small errands rather than the previous "one-day-a-week-BLITZ" we were used to.

Besides the daily chores that keeps our household running, I have tried to work in one "deep organization" task each day. Today I re-organized the tupperware drawer and threw out a few kid's books that are ripped up or unexciting. Each time I do the laundry, I reorganize the clothes that the kids have grown out of and I either put them in my "give" box or fold them away into the appropriate bin of sizes in our downstairs storage room.

These are the small bricks that comprise the building of our "wholesome discipline" in this season of life.

(photo: www.flickr.com)