At the End of the day

My shift at the hospital was a gong show today. We were running in circles, working over one another, flailing around as one odd thing after another flew our way. It was a WEIRD shift.  

We are moving hospitals in August.  What an enormous job! There are actually businesses that move hospitals, that's what they do. And ours is about to move.  The building our current hospital is in is a condemned building.  A friend who works with a heating and cooling company says the company no longer feels safe sending repair men into the bowels of the building to fix what needs fixing.  I suppose we need a new hospital.

All this change on the horizon makes change-lovers giddy and change-resisters downright grouchy. Today, I encountered some grouchy.  The adjustment in staffing means that we sometimes (in the transition period) have an over- or an under-abundance of workers. Today was a over-abundance of workers placed in odd shift slots. We had a bunch of us, clamoring around for who does what, but we were only booked half the day with no replacements. Crazy!

Anyhow, enough about that.  It just means I am glad to be home, and glad to lay my head on my pillow for the night-

And at the end of the day, all is well. The kidlets are curled in cocoons in their bunkbed, smelling like sweet bath wash. And tomorrow is another day to breathe and shine.

sigh.

Today I am Thankful For:

10-the pure miracle of childbirth

11-the opportunity to see the tender (lovable) underbelly of a cantakerous co-worker

12-the essential oil smell in my home after positively green clean!

Body and Soul

The health of Body and Soul are incredibly intertwined.  My soul feels enlivened and refreshed when my body is well-cared for. 

A dear friend and I are doing Body-For-Life together. My husband and I did it last winter and I felt tremendous afterwards.  I had some extra Soul-baby weight to lose and was able to drop 30 pounds with the 12-week system!

And so, I begin again, with another 15 pounds that I would like to convert to lean muscle.  I am always amazed how incredible it feels to work out, to sweat and get my heart pumping from exercise.  The inertia before beginning is so hard to overcome, but when I do I feel so energized.

The system revolves around a 6 day/ week workout schedule that alternates between intensive cardio and weight training.  We are commited to 6 days a week and are having a blast!  It is so helpful to have a workout buddy.

We have just completed day 4 of going raw. I have an upcoming post about that with pictures of some of our raw meals. The main motivation is to provide some relief for my husband's intestinal issues.  We have been trying a lot of cleansing diets and dairy free/gluten free sorts of diets with no relief. So, we are hopeful that the Raw Diet will help to define the underlying issue for him.

Today I am thankful for:

7-friends I can count on for spiritual and practical support and sharing.

8-the delicious afternoon nap we all took on this rainy day

9-the chance to see my friend's new business downtown and to watch it grow for her.

Soul Friend

The Smell of Sunshine

Early this week, I awoke to sunshine at 5 am!  My heart was lifted toward the window and I took in the scene and scent of sunshine.  

The smell of sunshine is to me like the smell of a sweet, sweaty baby. My Soul-baby, just two years old, still smells like goodness itself. And when he is sweaty from playing outside, I nestle my nose in his neck and take a long lung-fill of sweetness.  

I try to remember in those moments to stop, and to remember. Because he will soon be a stinky teenager dropping nasty-smelling hockey gear on my washing machine. And I'll be washing crusty socks and cleaning pee from missed streams around the base of the toilet. Believe me, I know. I grew up with all brothers and they are stinky! 

To continue this morning, I want to give thanks for three more things:

4-the strange pitch of bird song outside my window: cheerful and mournful at once.

5-a beautiful new friend who is committing to 6 days/week of Body-For -Life workouts with me.  

6- our decision to try a Raw Food Diet for 30 days together (thanks to Matt and Sara)

Today is an exciting day for me and my 4 year old girl. We are officially beginning our journey of  homeschooling and have enrolled with Summit Learning Centre. With my personality, it is the best combination of things.  

Enrolling with Summit means we get generous funding from the government for curriculum, internet costs, a membership to science world. We can participate in the Art Smarts program twice a week, join groups for field trips, have direct access to teacher support, and work together with a resource person to create a learning plan especially for my girl. I give myself permission to choose a different approach as I continue next year, but to begin, structure is wonderful!

I love having a schedule to work from.  Baselines and goals give me direction and peace of mind. And knowing what we must do (in regards to hitting milestones), we can then do what we want to do (touring the organic goat dairy for the afternoon or visiting the Vancouver Aqarium).

This afternoon, I meet with my resource teacher to pick up books and curriculum and all sorts of goodies. It will be like Christmas!

I was given a list of books to read through a homeschool association. Quite a few books by Thomas Armstrong look good. I would like to start with:

Awakening Your Child's Genius and 7 Kinds of Smart. 

Today, I have three areas of focus: a business related visit,  spiritual direction and a meeting with my Summit resource teacher.

So much about regaining balance for me is limiting the amount of things I think I can accomplish in a day!  

The Centering Wheel

It is nearly impossible to create a strong vessel from an un-centered lump of clay. And in many ways, that is what I have been this winter and spring. I have experienced a great deal of spiritual confusion and questioning.  The darkness of the Northwest crashed in on me mid-January and I was weak to hold it back.  My knees wobbly beneath the weight, I walked slowly, one foot in front of the other. 

 In the midst, we experienced great loss and tragedy, death has been near and around us.  Emotions have bubbled to the top of my cup, running over without explanation: confusion, anger, fear, discontentment. 

I have missed this space, visiting mostly to settle into the writing of other blogging friends. Overwhelmed by all that has happened, unable to feel centered to create peace out of chaos in my heart.

Writing is my centering wheel, my steady revolving energy, ever-widening and centering: a foundation for creating. 

And so I begin again,  with gratefulness and fearless love.  My hands are open, willing to receive and to share. 

Tonight, I am listening to Jon Foreman , the lead singer for Switchfoot.

My husband and I stumbled upon his incredible 4-disc CD: Spring and Summer, Fall and Winter.  The combination of  earthy, honest voice, steady guitar, haunting cello, and ethereal background piano is exquisite. We are drinking in the melodies, a backdrop for our last few days. 

On the album "winter" there's a song called "somebody's baby" that always awakens deep compassion in me.   The words are basically, "she's somebody's baby, somebody's baby girl..." And tonight as I listen, I am pulled from selfish preoccupation to think about the pain of the last weeks, the pain in the world around me that nearly crushes me somedays. 

We are all babies, somebody's babies. I have wandered the downtown eastside of Vancouver's streets saying something similiar in my heart.  The brokenness is palpable: drug-laced arms laying listless beside unconscious human forms. Young girls smoking joints in top thigh skirts, extending a provocative swing of leg at corner-cruising cars. 

They are babies, somebody's babies.

A few weeks ago, my husband and I assisted a friend as she grieved the loss of her husband to suicide. We were there just after he made the choice to leave. The vision of him hanging by the neck from a chain, gone from this world, nearly crushed us. It was the ultimate vision of powerlessness. He is somebody's baby. He is nestled into his Creator Father's arms, finally at peace. Creator God's baby.

Tonight as I reflect, I nestle into the safe arms of Creator God, and I rest.  I am centered when I relax into a speed of wheel I cannot create myself. It is the centrifugal force of Divine love, drawing me out of myself and thus into myself more completely.

This week, I received three gifts.  And in this way, I will start my gratefulness journal of 1000 things. I heard of this idea from Ann Voskamp at Holy Experience

1-re-finding my spiritual core book No Man is an Island by Thomas Merton.

2-a loving card from my husband "i'll be there with my umbrella..."

3-a gift from a st.matthew's friend Sacred Parenting by Gary Thomas.

Tonight is like shrapnel on the page, a smattering of thoughts and musings from this slowly centering heart.  Before I sleep, I want to record some of Merton's  fresh thoughts that awakened my spirit 15 years ago--

"I consider that the spiritual life is the life of man's real self,

 the life of that interior self whose flame is so often allowed 

to be smothered under the ashes of anxiety and futile concern.

We cannot find ourselves within ourselves, but only in others, 

yet at the same time before we can go out to others we must first 

find ourselves. We must forget ourselves in order to become

 truly conscious of who we are."

And that about says it all--

Visitors!

We have some dear visitors arriving tomorrow in their veggie-powered RV. I am excited to welcome Matt and Sara Janssen  to our bungalow in Mission.  

If you haven't heard of them yet, please take a look at their websites:

www.walkslowlylivewildly.com

www.livelightlytour.com

They will be with us for a few days and we are very excited to meet them in person and to hear of their stories from the road--

If You Are Ever in Trouble...

...call my husband. He will find and protect you.

It all happened on Saturday night. I arrived on the labour ward, ready for my 8-hour evening shift that went from 15:30-23:30 pm. It was an incredible shift of learning alongside 4 amazing midwifes.

The family I was linked with for the shift, was in rip-roaring labour and had placed two calls to their midwife without contacting her. They left messages and called the back-up. They again left messages and phoned a third back-up midwife, who arrived shortly after with a student.

In the meantime, the first two midwives received the phone messages and arrived as well! So, it was me and 4 midwives in one room. It was basically my heaven. And the one in charge happened to be the one and only Anne Barkum.

Anne is basically an angel. She's an Orthodox nun by vocation, and midwife by trade. And she manages to blend it all into a powerful mix of strength, love and sensational labour support. She was my midwife for both children, along with her wonderful clinic partner at the time, Sarah Lawrence. Sarah is now raising and homeschooling her three beautiful children and has become a dear friend of mine.

So, back to the birth. It was a beautiful birth, and the energy in the room buzzed with strength, SO MUCH strength. There were many helping hands, so I mostly absorbed the beauty. I did a bit of charting, filled in the spaces when a wash cloth was needed and grabbed a dry towel for the freshly born babe.

When it was all over, and the new addition was bundled and sent home with his parents, I sat at the desk to chart before the end of my shift.

I started to chat with a fellow nurse I hadn't seen in awhile and before I knew it, the clock struck twelve. So, I scurried into my street clothes and hit the parking lot.

About halfway home, I became ravenous. My mind wandered to the then empty fridge and I realized I needed to stop and grab a bite to eat. I was so hungry!! The "OPEN" sign on Boston Pizza was gleaming bright, so I parked and ducked in for a plate of nachos.

I considered calling Bry to let him know where I was, but figured he was asleep in bed and I decided not to disturb him.

Around 2 am, I pulled up to a fully lit house. The curtains were drawn back, and through the front windows, I saw the worried frame of my husband, phone held to his head with earnest.

Oh NO.

With wide eyes and a worried tone he asked "Where have you been?!" He had a police file open on me, he had asked the security officer at the hospital parking lot to scour around for our truck and/or my body. He phoned my collegues on night shift to inquire when I had left. It was funny and horrible all at the same time.

I gave him a huge hug, APOLOGIZED and thanked him for such concern. I must admit that I DID feel awfully loved and a wee bit silly. OH MY. I phoned the nursing unit to assure them I was alive. They had a good laugh when I told them the story, and they grounded me from late night Boston Pizza runs.

What a night it was!

(photo credit: flickr pshab)

Returning home

About a month back, around Easter and Lent, I decided to take some time away from blogging. In many ways, it has been a good time, to quietly reflect on my own. I needed a space away to let deep lessons absorb and settle down inside of me. But I have missed it. And I am again reentering this world with fresh vision--

For Easter this year, we traveled to San Antonio, Texas to be with my family. My parents drove over from Arizona and my younger brother drove from Baylor University where he is in his first year.

We had a wonderful time on my brother and sister-in-law's 5 acre hobby farm. We admire them a great deal and enjoyed the chance to peek in as they homeschool 5 kids, tend a flourishing garden, nurture pregnant goats, gather eggs, set their cow free for grazing. They lead a hand's-on life, and we enjoyed dipping into it (and basking in the sunshine!)

We had a wonderful time. But for the sake of story, I have to say that getting there was not as pleasant. In fact, we felt locked in a surreal twilight zone that took us a few days to recover from.

You see, we had heard hints of the US changing their border laws. But because we don't have a TV and don't see regular news, we didn't know of their recent "crack down". In February, they issued a "no-grace" policy stating that anyone without a passport, no matter their age, would be banned from traveling on an airplane into the US from any other country.

My husband and I have passports, but we only have birth certificates for the kids. Driving across the border is no issue with birth certificates, so we didn't think it would be a problem. In fact, I had mentioned to the booking clerk when I booked tickets, that my kids had birth certificates and she assured me it would be no problem--

Well, when we arrived in Vancouver to board, we were told the kids could not fly. For about 30 mintues, it all seemed tragic. I mean, my entire family was waiting for us, had driven for hours, my brother had booked off days from his busy medical clinic. My eyes were beginning to well up as I realized what was happening. Karumba!

And then, when it seemed impossible, an angel of an airline clerk did his magic (with the fastest typing fingers I've seen) and found us a flight out of Seattle for the next day. All without extra cost. One unfortunate issue was that he could only route us through Chicago with a 5 hour layover and change of plane. The other unfortunate issue was that the plane left Seattle the next morning at 6 am, which meant arriving at the airport at 4 :30 am.

But, we could get there! So we trundled on, reloaded out luggage and hit the highway south to Seattle.

But wait, it gets better-- (or bubbly or bulgy or bedraggled...)

We decided to sleep in a rather sketchy hotel and share a twin bed--four of us. It was already 60 bucks just to do that, and we couldn't imagine spending 80 for an extra bed. It was practically next door to the airport which meant a night of flashing lights and booming jet engines overhead. Needless to say, between the serenade and the jackknifing 2-year-old beside me, I got about an hour of sleep.

But again, we survived. We made the plane the next morning, groggy, but thankful, and turned our noses toward Chicago. When we arrived, we discovered a Spring blizzard brewing and a flight board full of cancelled flights in and out of O'Hare. Ours, thankfully was not cancelled, just delayed 6 hours. And on top of our 5 hour layover, we were in the Chicago airport for 11 hours.

But honestly, I can't complain. Because you know what? There was another family, in the good old Chicago airport play area, for 13 hours with 6 kids. One of which was a newly adopted baby girl from Vietnam. They were complete zombies functioning on extreme jet lag. Not only had they just flown from Vietnam, but they were delayed in Los Angeles and severely delayed in Chicago, and still had a flight to go!

The things we do in life. Oh my goodness.

After all that, we arrived in Texas and had a wonderful time. And our flight home was "normal", with no delays, and the kids slept almost the whole trip! Glorious. It all evens out in the end. It always seems to even out--

And now, we are home. And I am looking forward to Spring. And to catching up on the stories of the last month, here in this space--

If there are any lurkers out there, feel free to comment. If you don't have a blogger account, you can comment as "anonymous". I enjoy knowing you are out there--

photocredit: flickr-Steve Stone

Classic Sesame Street

Pretending to Travel Abroad

My husband and I have a new tradition that helps keep the itchy travel bug at bay. The reality is that we need to be here, in one place, for a time. And even though the urge to move and shake and live in a hut in the Sahara drives me mad somedays, I need to find a way to be content HERE. Right?

So, here's our secret. We live in a city that connects with the metropolis of Vancouver by an express commuter train. For daily commuters, our new plan is not exciting in the least. But for non-commuters, it's downright exhilerating.

We live in the valley. And everyone around here knows that the city and valley folk are on different timeframes and wavelengths. Sometimes stepping out of one and into the other is like traveling abroad.

So, this is what we do. We buy a 19 dollar round trip ticket to Downtown Vancouver and we "commute" first thing in the morning. Except we don't go to work! We "travel" all day. The ticket covers our skytrain and bus fares and we are footloose and fancy free. We take a list of favorite bookstores, coffeeshops, music stores, thrift stores. And we explore the city until the last commuter train heads home in the evening.

So far, I have done it alone, and Bry has done it alone. I am scheming about a family excursion this summer when the beaches heat up.

It has taught us to look around for ways to make our current situation feel exciting and exotic, without going into debt for it. We have traveling gypsy blood, with a capital "T" and an urge to soar and fly like the eagle in the picture above.

This desire to explore surges on and on. We want to move into distant lands and onto furthermost shores. But, we also love to be here. So, our days in the big city take the edge off the wanderlust as we learn to create beauty in the everyday.